Snapshot Memories (2)

She’s never been one of those girls.

She’s never looked down at herself and thought 'I absolutely hate my body.’ Today is a first.

It’s been a long time coming. Alex always did her best to take everything in stride, but to say the past few years have been bad would be an understatement. Her life rocked back and forth from one catastrophe to the next, and every time she found herself trying harder and harder to bounce back, each time never really recovering fully.

Life to Alex, was much like an ocean, and she was stuck in a boat. At first, the boat was massive, and with her and her crew, strong enough to weather any storm. But the ocean can be a cruel, relentless bitch. The storms would come and tear apart the sails, rip crew from the rigging, and punch holes through the boat. Each time, Alex repaired the boat; she had to, she didn’t want to sink. But the storms got worse and more frequent, and the crew didn’t stay, so Alex tried valiantly to keep up with the repairs on her own.

She could only do it for so long.

“I’m fat.” She said the words out loud for the first time. She sat on the bed, acutely aware of the crushing effect that it had. Her ribcage seemed to cave in on her as she curled up into a ball.

“I’m disgusting.”

“How did I let this happen?

“I’m not attractive anymore.”

“Who in their right mind would love me?”

“I’m such a failure..”

She lets the weight of those sentences slowly crush her until she can barely breathe. The tears flow freely as sobs wrack her body.

The bedroom door creaks open, startling Alex; she hadn’t even heard the front door. Sarah stares down at her, her eyes taking a few seconds to asses Alex’s condition before worry comes to the forefront. She says something, but Alex can’t hear her over pounding in her ears and just stares dumbly at her lover, unable to stem the flow of her tears. She looks away. There’s nothing Sarah can do.

Sarah left years ago.

-MS