I Am A Man

the best photo of my coffee cup I could find

Being a man is tough. Because tough is hard. And being tough is what men do best. We like doing something hard…..that’s what she said.

The other day Toby came into the office slobbering all over my concentration with his annoying voice and reasonable logic and wisdom. I can’t stand reasonable people. You know why? Because they always do the right thing. Sometimes doing the wrong is the right thing….like having sex with Jan. She’s always the wrong thing and it feels so right. It’ll make sense later.

But like I said before, to be a man you have to be tough. You also have to have a penis. Except for Toby because he’s a pus…….Jan won’t let me spell it. But you get the idea. I wish he were dead. A dead Toby is a good Toby.

Stanley is a man. And he’s also black. So he’s a man who is black. I’m not sure if he’s tough….well I take that back because he pushed me into a water fountain at work on pretzel day. Said I was in the way. But I don’t blame him. The pretzels are off the chizzain (that’s a compliment to Stanley’s race).

when I told Stanley the pretzels were off the “chizzain”

Also, men have sex. Lots and lots of sex. Because that’s part of being a man. You’re tough, you have a penis and you have sex. It’s pretty profound stuff.

Dwight is a man but he scares the shit out of me….don’t tell him I said that.