I Am Not My Failures

It’s been a turbulent last few weeks for me.
A string of missed shots. A couple of bad meetings. A number of promising deals falling apart. I hate losing — especially when I fall short just a few inches away from the the goal line.
Failures like these, especially in succession, can really shake my confidence. It even takes a toll on my health and relationships. I’ll stop following my diet. I’ll sacrifice sleep or rest. I’ll push away other people. If I don’t recover from a bad stretch quickly, it starts to spew out toxic in other aspects of my life.
When I catch myself lingering too long over a failure (or a set of them), I do the following things:
1) Pick up and celebrate small victories
I’ll accomplish a handful of these small things and pat myself on the back for it. It could be heading out of the office earlier or finishing an extra chapter of my book. It doesn’t matter. I just need to get myself going again. Even the tiniest bit of confidence goes a long way — especially when I can’t seem to find any. I’ve found that this technique of celebrating any shape or form of success can help reignite my drive again.
2) Be humble enough to ask for help
When I find that I’ve been stuck on a task or an idea, I lean on other people for their help. I can be obsessed with my own thoughts and get stuck with tunnel vision. When I keep coming up short on something, I start to turn to other people for advice. I’m often surprised by the wealth of insights I get. Another point of view is always helpful for situations where you need more clarity.
It’s not that I don’t welcome help. Sometimes, I just don’t know when to ask for it. I have to strike a balance between “doing it myself” and “doing it with some help”. There’s strength in admitting you can’t do everything on your own.
3) Clear your mind
I spend a few minutes of my day reminding myself through meditation that failure is but a state of mind. The more I allow it to take up space in my head, the more it affects my performance. During this reflection, I like thinking back to some of the failures I had in college. Years later, I can honestly say they don’t even matter to me anymore. I no longer worry or feel anxious about these things. I even laugh about some of them now. I’ll say the same things in the future about the failures I’m so worried about today.
4) Remember “Why”
A wise old man once told me that I can survive any how if I believe in the why. I’ve kept this piece of advice throughout the years and it has really helped me through some tough times. When failures start to really wear me down, I go back to the reasons why I do what I do. I like saying it out loud — as if someone had asked me what it was. Hearing myself say it really helps me calm down and focus again on getting over my losses. My “Why” is bigger than anything a bad day throws at me.
The words of the great Michael Jordan come to mind:
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
Failure is like a poison. The more you let it linger, the more damage it does. You have to be able to deal with it early on so it doesn’t affect the rest of your day. When you master how you react to failure, you can overcome and achieve anything.
