How to be happy and less crappy

Where your emotions are coming from and how to manage them

Being happy is, like, the goal of life. Or rather, should be.

We work, we spend time with the family, we study, etc; all of these are activities that we do because it will bring us happiness, either immediately or later on in the future. But, why exactly? Why do we feel happy, and sad, and angry, and all of these emotions?

How do we invite more happiness and less of the crappy emotions?

First, let’s tackle why you feel emotions.

Why do you feel emotions?

Emotions come from your expectations of someone or something.

Expectations are just how they sound; these are your wants from someone or something, and these happen consciously and unconsciously. Whenever these expectations are met, you might feel happiness, gratitude, content. Whenever these expectations are not met, you might feel anger, sadness, envy. These are not constant, and of course there are exceptions, but it paints a good picture of the point.

Examples:

• When you plan a meet up with a friend, you expect to have a good time, and when you do, you feel happy.
• When you wake up past your schedule because the alarm clock didn’t work as you expected it to, it causes anger and anxiety.

This is how emotions work. We have these micro (or maybe very big) expectations on someone or something, and the fulfillment of that expectation is what dictates our emotions.

Is it wrong for you to have expectations?

People would argue that we shouldn’t have these expectations, especially on someone. It might be unfair for that someone or something when you put an expectation on them, consciously or not..

But, no, it isn’t wrong.

Expectations are physiological. Our brains automatically assign expectations on something, even if we didn’t intend to do so. Even the act of not expecting anything is an expectation itself. You expect there to be nothing!

It is in our nature to do so, so naturally, we shouldn’t try to eliminate it from our lives. What matters is not having the expectation itself, but what we do when it is either fulfilled or not.

The rest of the article are instructions on how to be happy and less crappy.

What is the best way to stop feeling negative emotions?

There are two main ways in dealing with negative emotions.

We can change our expectations. This strategy involves changing the way you look at things in life. If you often find yourself getting mad at strangers, ask yourself what makes you mad in the first place. By doing this, you can slowly shift your perspective, so the next time you encounter that scenario, you will be stressed less, or not at all.

We can accept our expectations and handle the outcomes instead. Sometimes, or maybe, most of the time, we just can’t change our outlook. That’s natural, and nothing to be ashamed of. When that is the case, the best course of action is to just accept the way you feel about that certain thing. But, instead of indulging yourself in that emotion, you can just let it go, and be free.

How do we change our perspective in life?

Word of warning, this is the harder route. It’s not always the easiest thing to achieve, because our perspective in life is embedded and wired into our brain.

However, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Here are things that you can remind yourself to slowly nudge yourself towards the right direction:

1. What is this experience like for you? What are you feeling? What are you thinking?
2. What caused you to feel this way? Who and what is/are involved?
3. What is the ideal mindset that you want to adapt?

How do you accept your emotions?

Accepting your emotions is not an overnight project. It might take a long time for you, but what’s important is that you always actively move towards that ideal self of yours. Here are some prompts that you can journal or meditate or talk to yourself about:

1. Remind yourself that what you are feeling is valid, and it is a physiological reaction. You are wired to feel this way.
2. Remind yourself that what matters is not what you feel, but what you do with the feeling.
3. Ask yourself why you feel this way, what expectation was not met.
4. Ask yourself if this expectation was valid or not.
5. Valid or not, ask yourself what is the best way to feel right now.

So, how to be happy and less crappy?

It all boils down to this: how you handle your emotions.

That very long string of text boils down to:

• Change your mindset so you can have easier emotions to work with;
• Develop your mindset so you can work with the emotions you already receive.

Recognizing what you feel, and trying to change it is important, too, but at the end of the day, accepting what life has to offer is still one of the greatest skills you can adapt. Life won’t always abide your mindset, so learning how to cruise on is the best way to be.

Be happy, and less crappy.