Why I’ve Been Afraid to Write.
In the past 5 years, my life has changed drastically. For the 5 years before that, I’d been living in a pretty predictable pattern. I worked for my father as a dispatcher for his trucking company. It was stressful. Drivers, by default, are not the most happy or pleasant people. Who could blame them? They sit in a truck all day while other vehicles constantly cut them off, honk their horns, and give them the finger. So I spent my days listening to the complaints of these drivers in between negotiating freight rates for them. Some days I would go to the driving range or the gym right after work, and then I’d go home, shower, eat dinner, watch TV, and go to bed. Weekends were spent partying in Gainesville, a college town where I was beginning to become conspicuously non-college age anymore. It was a simpler time for me.
When I decided it was time for a change, I moved to Jacksonville, Florida. Some of my college buddies had made the move, and I had visited them several times, impressed by the more mature scene of beach bars. These girls were a few years older. They worked all day and just wanted to blow off steam on the weekends just like me. I was going to do well here. And then, in an instant, it all came crashing down. I met the love of my life. Just like that, my path had taken a sharp turn.
We were living together within 3 months, and I started to see my friends less and less. I just didn’t have any interest in those bars anymore. I went from being completely self-centered to being in a partnership. My goals and aspirations began to change. I wasn’t happy in my current role so I began what I thought was a career in mixed martial arts. That ended abruptly with my being on the receiving end of a first-round knockout in a championship bout. I knew then that I couldn’t live with the risk, financial or physical, of being an MMA fighter. I had to have a real career. Ignoring my unhappiness with the industry, I decided to take over my father’s operations. I started a branch office in Jacksonville and began managing a team. While I still wasn’t happy, I was making progress.
In July of 2014, through a series of fortunate events, I was able to take over Fox Logistics as CEO. While a relatively small freight brokerage, I finally had complete control of my own company. With over $1 million in revenue in my first 6 months, I had achieved success. I had single-handedly managed the transition from the previous ownership and management, and actually improved our profitability in the process. I had worked 60+ hour weeks for 6 months, and I began to feel the draining effects of burnout. I knew I needed help. I hired a small team to handle the day-to-day operations, and for the first time in 8 years, I could set my own agenda and make my own schedule. What I didn’t foresee was that this was a fundamental shift in my life.
For those prior 8 years, I had a job to do every day. I had a list of trucks and freight that needed to be moved. I had a template for success. I had a purpose. Operations are my strong suit. Show me a problem, and I’ll show you a solution. When I gave control of those operations to someone else, I no longer had that daily to-do list to keep me busy. I was a big picture person now, and there was no longer a template for success. The industry was changing all around me, and I had to figure out how to change along with it. This fundamental change was going from a doer to a thinker.
I started reading business books, listening to podcasts, consuming blogs and Inc Magazine articles. I attended conferences and watched inspirational documentaries about titans of industry, as if somehow just listening to successful leaders would transform me into one. I added new skills by attending a code immersion bootcamp, and even pursued a side passion by becoming a fascial stretch therapist(huh?). But somewhere along the way, I lost that edge that for so long made me so damn good at operations. I had become a habitual learner, but I wasn’t applying this knowledge in any significant way.
That’s why I’ve been afraid to write. Writing requires action. Writing requires thought. Writing requires me to combine thinking with doing. The blank page provides no template for success. It requires me to pull from the knowledge that I’ve acquired and put my thoughts into action. It requires me to build something, and then share that something with the world. This is my new template for success. Contemplation + Action = Success. It’s time to stop the coding lessons and tutorials and build something. It’s time to stop browsing Meetup and go meet other developers. It’s time think, then do. Neither is sufficient alone. In the meantime, I’ll continue to write. I can’t imagine I’m alone in this. I hope this serves to inspire others to think, then do too.
