“Learn to be alone and to like it. There’s nothing more freeing and empowering than learning to like your own company.” ~ Bernajoy Vaal
If you spend any time around teenagers, you’ve probably heard them utter “I’m so-o-o bored.” They’ve become used to continual interaction through social media, online video games, and digital messaging that they don’t know how to be alone and like it.
I can honestly say I’ve never been bored. Perhaps it’s because I grew up in an era of few distractions, so I wasn’t constantly surrounded by stimulation. My toys didn’t light up or talk to me, so I actually had to use my imagination when I played. We had only three television channels (four if we didn’t mind a snowy picture), and I had to get up and walk across the room to change from one station to another. I had to go to the theater to watch a movie, and my music came from the radio or the phonograph. To communicate with my friends, I had to use a telephone that was connected to wall and tell the operator the number I was calling. And, if someone was already talking on our party line, I had to wait until they hung up.
Being an only child for nearly six years and living in a tiny community with only a handful of kids, I learned early on how to entertain myself. I was an avid reader with an ex-librarian grandmother who supplied me with books from the time I learned to read. I traveled to a strange land with witches and a wizard, hung out with a pig and a spider, shared adventures with two sets of twins, and met a magical lady with a funny name.
When I was older, I not only read stories, I started writing them. Then, I began illustrating them and established the goal of becoming a children’s book author and illustrator. Spending time by myself without distractions allowed me to expand my creativity.
It was a difficult adjustment for me when I went off to college. I had never had to share a room before, and my freshman year I had three roommates in one dorm room. I was so starved for some alone time I sometimes took a blanket down to the basement laundry room and curled up in a corner to read or study. After that first year I lived off campus and usually had to share a bedroom with only one other person.
I’m by no means a recuse, I just need to strike a balance with time for socializing and time for solitude. In college I used to take an early morning train from Fargo to Minneapolis a couple times a month. Even though I wasn’t entirely alone on these trips, I was under no obligation to carry on a conversation because I had no traveling companions. This allowed me the freedom to interact with others on my terms, and I often chatted with other passengers or played cards with the brakeman and conductor. When the train arrived in Minneapolis, I’d just sit in the station sketching people or writing imaginary stories of their lives. In the evening, I’d take the train back home.
When I got married and became a mother, I had precious little time to myself. I learned to use nap time as alone time, which meant housework was quite often neglected. When I finally managed to get the kids to bed at night, my husband would demand my company because he didn’t enjoy his own. I finally discovered I could get away by myself in the bathtub. Everyone needs to be clean, right? So, I’d light a candle, fill the tub with fragrant bubbles, and relax with a book until someone knocked on the door and demanded my attention. That habit has persisted to this day, but now people rarely knock.
Although some of my alone time is spent in pursuits such as reading, writing, or drawing, I don’t mind admitting that often my mind just wanders. Sometimes I reflect on my day so far or examine my current mood and the reasons for it. I’ll ponder on problems I may be dealing with or weigh the pros and cons regarding a decision I’m trying to make. If you were watching me, you might think I was doing nothing at all, but in fact this contemplation and reflection has become vital in preserving both my mental and physical health.
If you’re one of those people who claims they don’t like to be alone, here are a few things you can do in your alone time to start enjoying your own company:
Read — Get lost in a good book, especially one that’s in a genre you haven’t read before.
Create — Sketch, paint, write, knit, sew; do anything that allows you to exercise your right brain.
Learn — Enroll in an online course in music, cooking, philosophy, a foreign language, or any other subject you’ve never considered before.
Explore — Take a walk in the woods in search of wildflowers, wander through an art gallery, or sift through the contents of an old trunk.
Contemplate — Just relax and let your thoughts flow with no restriction on the direction they are headed.
Remember, there is a big difference between alone and lonely. Strive to become your own best friend.
NOTE: This is the year I celebrate (?) seven decades residing on this planet. My journey so far has taught me many life lessons, so I decided to share some of them with you. I’ll be posting one each day from Thanksgiving to Christmas.
Yesterday: Forgive, But Don’t Forget
Tomorrow: Trust Your Gut
