We looked up the definition of 2020 in a dictionary and this is what it said:
“WTF.”
Sound accurate? You bet.
Here’s a quick recap of some of the major events of 2020.
*you can skip this bit if it’s triggering*
In January, “WWIII” was trending on Twitter after the assassination of Iranian General Qasem Soleimani. Australia saw one of the most devastating bush-fires in modern history. Two weeks later, the third presidential impeachment trial in United States history began.
Fast forward through the relative calm of Super Bowl LIV and the beginnings of the Democratic Primary, and the 3rd to last day of February brought about the largest single-day point decline in the history of the Dow Jones. Then, quite possibly the most harrowing day for every sports fan in the world arrived, when NBA legend, Kobe Bryant, his daughter and seven others were killed in a helicopter crash.
Then COVID-19 happened. Is happening. Is still, happening.
And in the midst of this pandemic, the United States began a national reckoning through the largest protests against racial injustice since the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. The demonstrations went global, unifying voices around the world to action systemic change.
The fight against injustice continues with subsequent nonsensical matters captured on film, driving an uprising and consciousness movement.
With all this being said, you’re still here.
2020 is throwing unprecedented event after unprecedented event at us, and we are responding with unprecedented tactics, techniques, and coping mechanisms. The world will keep turning and we will keep surviving.
The thing about surviving, is that you’re at the beck and call to all the lemons life will throw at you. The power then, is turning said lemons into Lemon Meringue Pie, because thriving doesn’t just stop at lemonade.
Surviving vs. Thriving 💯
SO, what do both of these mean in this context? Let’s use some analogies:
Surviving: playing the cards you’ve been dealt, relying on luck or chance to succeed in the game of life.
Thriving: accepting the cards you’ve been dealt, buying a new deck, throwing out the old and playing with the new, to make sure you win, regardless of luck or chance.
Surviving: being dropped from a helicopter into an ocean 10 miles from land, freaking out, frantically doggy-paddling until you meet your inevitable doom.
Thriving: being dropped from a helicopter into an ocean, freaking out, quickly learning to float and control your breathing, appreciate you could be doomed but won’t give up, learn freestyle, follow the moon and meet land (or doom, but at least you tried 🤷♂️).
And last one to drive the point home — a little more relevant:
Surviving: having to stay home all day, every day, answering zoom calls with your kids chiming in randomly (or intentionally), working longer, cooking more, and more often, winding down and binge-watching Umbrella Academy until early hours and repeating.
Thriving: all of the above, minus the late night so you can make way to start your morning with 30 minutes of Shaun T, followed by a cold-shower, meditation, journaling, practicing gratitude, reading a book and then moving onto working on something interesting yet challenging to help you grow and develop as a person or professional.
If you can see the pattern, you’ll notice that the beginning of your story or situation may be what it is, but the middle and ultimate end, is entirely up to you.
You always, always, always, have the chance to change the narrative, and if you’ve made it this far in the article, chances are, you are already on your way to doing so — go you!
And there is nothing wrong with being in survival mode. On the contrary, you must know how to survive first, to be pushed to your limits and to have all odds seemingly stacked against you, to dig deep and find a way to use what you have to live life.
But there comes a time where you say, “b*tch this isn’t good enough for me”.
And if you’ve been feeling like this for most of the year after seeing your 2020 New Year’s Resolutions get flushed away faster than last night’s Mexican fiesta, then that’s the kind of mental Segway most need to graduate from the previous statement to “enough is enough”.
If you’re at that stage, the excitement is real for you — let’s do this!
The Thrive Magic Five ✋
It’s pretty cool to make something, isn’t it? Baking, sewing, painting. The satisfaction that comes with building something from scratch and seeing it come to fruition is magical.
So imagine making or re-making yourself?
Imagine how that would feel, knowing you went from where you are and grew into something you want to be, to be somewhere you want to be and to be with someone who you want to be with.
Internalize this for a second, it’s a powerful thought.
If you’re feeling all giddy inside, good, because here are 5 steps to get you thriving in no time.
1. Do some “Life Accounting”
Objective: to de-clutter your mind, identify and understand your pleasures (the good) and stressors (the bad)
Before you’re repulsed by the A-word above, know that it’s not the type of accounting that requires spreadsheets and numbers — this is not what it’s about.
Instead, grab a few blank pages and write the following titles, with enough space for about 5–6 bullet points between them:
- Top of mind — good stuff
- Top of mind — bad stuff
If you’re going all in, add the following also, so you can account for your life at a more granular level (highly recommended but the two above can be enough for now)
- Relationships
- Health / Fitness
- Career / Business
- Finances
- Adventure / Travel
- Spirituality / Growth
Then, under each title, jot down all the things which come to mind. Be sure to take a holistic view of the title using your thoughts and experiences to fit the bill. Here’s an example:
Top of mind — good stuff
- worked out 4–5 times a week on average for the last few months
- finally finished a book, cover to cover!
- made cookies and sent some to the local cafe to try — now they want to sell it online and pre-pay 😯
2. Digest. Re-assess. Re-imagine.
Objective: to pinpoint opportunities to replace the bad with good, and transform the good into absolutely amazing.
If you spent time on Step 1, there’s a good chance you’re feeling pretty liberated right now. The weight you carry in your mind can get heavy if you don’t throw it out, or onto paper, from time to time.
Think of this part as you successfully building a trampoline — congrats, you get to jump on now (yay!)
But the question is: how high?
Take your notes into a place of inspiration, somewhere outside in nature is your best bet, since you’ll find yourself looking away from the paper as you begin to process your now de-cluttered, nicely-sorted thoughts.
Internalize them. Ponder upon each point. Feel that sh*t in your soul. Despise ‘the bad’ like the poison and toxicity it is. Smile, laugh and enjoy the good, like it’s your birthday again and again.
Then take the fruits of ‘the good’ and let your imagination run free. Think about how it could possibly get even better. Think big, really big, then think bigger.
Cherish this feeling and be filled by it’s excitement because it’s time to thrive, baby.
3. Set directions, not goals.
Objective: to set course towards where you want to be, without setting yourself up for disappointment.
Tl;dr — goals are basically arbitrarily-crafted opportunities for disappoint.
Yep, I said it. Here’s the opinion.
Goals are often finite, rigid and inflexible. They are heavily influenced by your life experiences and achievements ’til date, thus being formed by your own level of esteem, which can create ones that keep you short from your greatest self, or conversely, be too challenging and out of reach. They are also inspired by external influences, typically by your industry peers or people you hold close to you (i.e. comparison-culture).
And the fundamental flaw of goal-setting is that it is actually expectation-setting in disguise. And generally, expectations often lead to disappointment.
A S.M.A.R.T goal:
*I will earn a promotion to senior customer service representative by completing the required training modules in three months and applying for the role at the end of next quarter.*
Doesn’t achieve it — some possible reasons:
- life is unplanned and doesn’t give a f*ck
- company goes on a hiring/promotion freeze,
- someone does it sooner and fills the position,
- COVID19, etc
Disappointment level: maximum until completed or always
Achieves it — what next:
- goes for celebratory drinks
- posts about it on Facebook
- celebrates it to the max,
- “okay what’s next”
Satisfaction level: maximum until the next goal is set, therefore short-lived.
Generally (and let me know if you disagree, in the comments below), the net negative of not achieving a goal is always higher then the net positive of actually achieving it, because if you don’t achieve it, you’ll be try your best to keep going (or be disheartened and abandon it complete) OR you’ll succeed and quickly move on to set the next goal, ie, not being existentially satisfied with achieving it.
Further, goals are deeply rooted in planning. Planning is absolutely critical, brilliant and necessary but goals keep plans rigid, and rigid plans don’t survive, because as above, life doesn’t give a f*ck about plans, especially those that aren’t as fluid and unplanned as life itself.
And that is A-okay.
Because in this step, you’re not going to waste all your time devising complex goals. Instead, we’re going to go on a journey, and you get to be the captain.
If life was a sea, beautiful and calm one day, and treacherous the next, you (the ship and the people on it), would want to adapt and navigate it accordingly, knowing that your compass is leading you to the promise land.
Direction-setting is your compass. It’s a simple statement or two, deeply rooted in where you want to be, not based on where you are, where you came from or what your past was up until this point. It’s the embodiment of clarity, in trusting that you will do the work to continually upgrade your ship, the people on-board and the resources needed to get there.
It detaches you from expectations and subsequent disappointments. It detaches you from setting yourself up for success or failure. It allows you to be adaptive and fluid to whatever life throws at you.
Finally, it develops relentless self-belief, boosts self-esteem, crafts resilience, drives purpose and rewires your mind from a ‘Fixed Mindset’ to a ‘Growth Mindset’.
Examples:
- I am going to change the lives of millions of people in need.
- I will be able to work and live in any country around the world, working with people who are passionate.
- Fix my relationship with my body so it’s more temple, less dump-bin.
4. Add ‘stopovers’ and take as long as you need.
Objective: to add checkpoints to stay the course, or change it, as necessary.
Life is one big adventure if you make it so.
Any good, long voyage needs stopovers for you to re-charge, explore, inspire action, re-assess, equip and prepare for the next journey.
So here is where you take your direction statements and for each, write down all the things that will help you inch closer and closer to where you want to be.
Remember though, that unlike goals which are finite; directions are the opposite. They are journeys, ever evolving, shifting and growing. So when you list out the things you need “to get there”, know that anything along the path can fundamentally change the course you’re on, based on your desires, influences and experiences along the way.
Here’s an example:
Direction: fix my relationship with my body so it’s more temple, less dump-bin.
- stop weighing myself
- swap out danger condiments like mayo and aioli wherever possible
- cut the snacks but keep some treats for when I’ve been good (and weekends)
5. Do as you do, not as you say.
Objective: to feel empowered that your life is now completely yours.
You made it!
You might feel a rush of excitement or motivation. You might feel overwhelmed, like there’s soooo much to do. You might cry in joy that you’ve regained the clarity lost to the actions of 2020. You might even feel hungry.
Whatever you feel, feel it out. There’s a lot to feel, a lot to take in and even more to digest.
So take your time.
Time is yours. It always was, and always will be, if you treat it like the ally it is.
Your life is completely yours too. What you choose to do, is all that matters.
Not talking. Not reading. Not saying.
Doing.
Everything you’ve ever needed is right here with you, and anything you will need, you’ll find after you take your first steps. Begin your new journey, I bet it sounds amazing already.
Parting Thoughts
If you did or will do the above, even if it’s parts of it — I’m proud of you. It takes a lot to turn things around but how you rebound what matters most.
The most important thing is to not be like a nagging mom to yourself — don’t judge yourself, especially as you put the work in. Since you’re using direction-setting vs setting arbitrary goals, this will help you be less critical of yourself, which is great because you’ll begin to inspire and encourage yourself rather than put yourself down.
You are amazing and I’m excited for your journey ahead.
Have the best time and let me know by clapping, commenting or highlighting anything you found valuable above.
Written by Johnny Bhalla, Co-Founder and CMO of miix technologies — a wellness-inspired company made to help you be comfortable in the uncomfortable.
