What it’s like to be trapped in your own head
I’ve never felt completely right in my own body nonetheless my own head. Countless thoughts are constantly running through my head all day and night, reminding myself why I will never be good enough and making it impossible to think reasonably or logically.
But I guess that’s what most people with depression and anxiety go through. I can’t help but think — how did I go from being the happiest person in the world to being someone who struggles to put a smile on their face? What caused me to get to this point in my life?— It causes you to think about the decisions you’ve made in the past and what could you have done differently? You become so focused on perfecting every decision or action you make to prevent yourself from being lonely and sad. But in the end you still end up feeling that way. You’re focused on what other’s will think of you and how you think of yourself. You doubt every success and feed on every failure you may have had, and it begins to tear you piece by piece.
Mental health is something people often belittle and make into something that isn’t a concern. But it is. It needs to be something people are aware of. Mental health can be debilitating- just as if you were to have a physical illness. Advice to those who don’t understand but know someone who is debilitated by a mental illness, be a listener, be there for them when they just need a good cry, but don’t hover. Things I’ve learned with anxiety and depression is that the more people push to be in your life the more you push them away.
I’ve let my illness take pieces of me that I want but may never get back. It’s a constant fight to win the battle of gaining control over my own mind. It helps to find people who are like-minded and suffer from the same thoughts. But in the end you can be in a room of people who understand what it’s like, but they aren’t going to help you move past your own debilitating thoughts. That’s where your inner strength comes in. YOU need to be the one to say enough is enough. YOU need to be the reason you change your thoughts. No one is going to be able to do it for you.
A quote I try to remind myself of daily is:
“Behind you are the challenges you’ve met. Before you lies new possibilities. Today you choose the direction of your life.” -unknown
Don’t let mental illness take pieces of you. Fight back.