Fear The Walking Dead is a Gun (and testicle) Free Zone

Two more episodes of FTWD have aired since my first piece on the SJW utopian fantasy of the Zombie apocalypse and while we don’t have any new Beta Male characters or new Alpha Female characters, the ones that are already there have had their roles amplified and cemented.And of course in this world of Social Justice version of the Zombie Apocalypse, nary a word about guns or ammo.

In episode 11, not much happens to move the story forward. Nick (Frank Dillane) makes himself useful in the Colony by putting his junkie drug skills to use in the pharmacy and eventually gets his own love shack where he commences learning Spanish.

He also hooks up with Alpha Female Luci (Danay Garcia) or more accurately, She hooks up with him. It’s Luci in charge and Nick just follows along. On her way out the door, she changes her mind and comes back in to embrace Nick for their first kiss. A scene you’ve seen a thousand times 
in movies before with one small difference this time. The genders are reversed.

Other than that the only thing of significance at the colony was some guy showing up all bloody and apparently some other guy with him was killed but I couldn’t figure out who or how. It was bad though. How bad? Luci almost changed her expression. So .. pretty bad.

Back at the Walker Hotel, Madison (Kim Dickens) starts exerting her Alpha Female authority, organizing cleanup crews and directing others to barricade the hotel doors with stacks of wooden chairs. As long as an Army of termites doesn’t show up they should be fine. I mean what type of SuperHuman could possible penetrate a stack of wooden chairs?

She notes that doing that is important because “we could end up doing all the work and having some asshole come and take it”. Do tell. The big problem of course is all the Walkers in the Hotel. They start by going room to room, opening doors, killing walkers and loading them on luggage carts for disposal. At the first room we see Strand(Colman Domingo) and the high school girl Alicia (Alycia Debnam-Carey). Of course the 6 foot 2 Male Strand is relegated to cleaning up the body after the high school chick dispatches with the Walker. Strand knows his place. I’m trying to imagine early episodes of The Walking Dead (TWD) where Carol would do the dirty/dangerous job of icing a walker while Daryl or Shane stood around watching. Nope, can’t see it.

They come up with an idea that involves luring all the walkers down the end of the pier and having them fall off into the rip tide surf. Someone has to act as Walker bait on the pier and then jump the 50+ feet into the ocean with the falling walkers close behind; so obviously that task is left to our new action hero, Madison. None of the 20 something Males can do this, only the 40 ish Female guidance counselor. Who then insists that her daughter who 2 months earlier was doodling poetry in her high school yearbook
be one of the 2 people in the boat to rescue her from the rip tide and Walkers. If Ofelia (Mercedes Mason) hadn’t taken off I’m sure
she would have been given the job of driving the boat.

So now magically, every walker within 100 miles is out to sea and the group can continue working on their new vacation resort home. Which takes us to Episode 12.

Our 2 Love Birds Nick and Luci get interrupted in Bed. (Luci is on top, but you knew that) Trouble in the colony. People are leaving, they have no water and The Costco drug lords want the Oxy’s they were promised. Luci and Nick have a tense argument about what to do next and just in case the viewers are as brain dead as the Walkers, Luci spells out the new world order to Nick in Spanish so we get to read the English subtitles. “I’m the Boss now.” Who didn’t already know this? You have a vagina, right? (No, I’m not a transphobe. I know it’s possible that Nick also has a vagina but let’s assume for now that he doesn’t)

Some escapees from the colony get captured by the Costco drug lords which seems unimportant (like most of the story lines) but turns out to be significant later on in the episode. But back to the Walker Hotel, everyone is busy turning the hotel into their new home. Well, almost everyone. Hector is teaching Alicia how to surf. No, I’m not making that up. They are on the beach and not in the surf/rip tide which a day earlier swallowed up hundreds of walkers and Alicia has managed to find some nice surf wear for the lesson. (Editors Note: In my version of the utopian zombie apocalypse she would have been sporting a bikini)

But not everyone is surfing. Someone needs to get the hotel’s massive generator running. Fear not, the caterer(Karen Bethzabe) and the 
guidance counselor take charge and with a Beta Male at their disposal carrying the fuel they get the lights back on. Who says chicks aren’t good at science and electronics. Another myth busted!

Strand appears as the Hotel bartender, wiping down the bar and making ice. That Dude knows his place. We also see someone planting crops and other cleanup of the Hotel. They are making this their home. But not one Fucking word about Guns to defend themselves. A couple of teenagers with BB guns could take over that place.

Next up … Plot twist! We see Ofelia, driving her stolen truck (Insert racist joke here) up the coast where she stops in front of a small hotel. She is smoking hot but is traveling alone without any weapons. She even has to go into the pickup truck’s bed to get a hammer to defend herself as she contemplates entering the hotel. 120 lbs soaking wet Ofelia who was the girliest of girly girls weeks earlier kicks open the front door of the hotel like she’s a member of Seal Team Six. I know. She is Woman hear her roar. She dispatches the one and only walker in the hotel and then we get a flashback scene of her and her fiance at the hotel. Lost love, regret, blah blah, blah. He’s in New Mexico, She appears to drive off in that direction. I’m sure she won’t run into any problems so don’t worry about her. She has that hammer in the tool box.

Back to the Walker Hotel, the happy gang is hanging out in a suite making plans for their new life when there is a knock on the door. Strand jumps up to get the door while the others lounge around. Again, this Dude knows his place. Strand opens the door without a care in the world. Maybe it’s Hector asking him if he wants a surfing lesson. It isn’t. It’s the deranged
mother of the bride who stabs Strand in the stomach with a steak knife. She did this because … never mind. It doesn’t matter.

Once Strand is stabilized the question becomes what to do about the deranged Mother of the Bride. Madison goes full Rick Grimes and announces what’s going to happen to her. And anyone else who raises a hand towards another. I’m sure some variation of that speech is given the first day of kindergarten all across America. “No Hitting!”. The Beta Males in the room meekly nod in agreement and Madison’s role as the Leader is cemented in stone. No one will dare question her now.

Back to Strand.

Strand is dying not dying and they need medical supplies. The caterer explains that Hector’s brother is one of the Costco drug lords and she can get the drugs Strand needs from them. It’s a 2 hour drive so of course Madison takes charge. Off they go. The caterer driving, Madison riding shotgun (without a shotgun) and some mute beta male in the back seat as some kind of servant. They get to the Costco and Hectors brother hooks them up with the supplies. They don’t allow the beta male to come in the 
building. The drug lords know a cuck when they see one.

Now the 2 worlds of the colony and the Walker Hotel start to come together. Madison barges in on the Drug lords interrogating the escapees from the Colony who are describing a gringo kid with ratty hair. Madison thinks they are describing Nick and goes ape shit (Momma Bear has to protect her cubs). Why the drug lords don’t immediately enter her into their sex 
slave protection program is a mystery.

Instead they send her on her way but not before declaring that if that ratty haired gringo kid shows up again they will cut his balls off. Careful there Costco Drug Lord. The presence of Nick’s balls is still a matter of dispute.

The unarmed 2 Alpha Females and the Man servant make it back to the Hotel without incident. Because of course they do. It’s dark now and Madison immediately runs to turn on the hotel generator which illuminates the hotel name 20 stories high for people to see from miles away. She does this why? So Nick will see it. Huh? Ya, me too. Alicia and Madison get into a deep deep emotionally deep, deep discussion about the depths of Madison feelings towards Nick and how she basically doesn’t give a
crap about Alicia. Man, it was deep. Deep I tell you. (Editors Note: All you FTWD writers go ahead and book your vacations for the week of
next years Emmy’s. You don’t have plans)

Cut to a long view a couple miles away shot of the lighted hotel. Dramatic pan down to the back of the head of who? A walker? A Costco drug lord? Nick? Slowly pan to the face and it is … Beta Male Travis (Cliff Curtis). He doesn’t look good and he may be alone. I’m sure next weeks episode will be about Travis and his psycho kid. And we have a heartwarming reunion of Travis and Madison to look forward to. She’ll be so happy to see him. I mean, if she even remembers his name. There’s been more talk about
getting guns and ammo then about how broken up Madison is about Travis leaving. Which means there has been exactly zero talk about Travis. But finally we get a plot line that is believable. Even in the Zombie apocalypse, “Bossy” chicks like Madison only care about Beta Males when they can serve a purpose. They are disposable. She can pick up another if she wants one.

As for the ratings, episode 12 had a slight uptick to 3.6 million total viewers. 1/3 of the viewers this series premiered with.