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Braces Scars

Inside my cheeks are two lines of scars: braces scars.

I was around 11 when I had them installed. The metal wire would repeatedly cut my cheek in the same place. Each time it would heal with a more callous surface.

I can trace my tongue along it — all the way to the back of my mouth.

I remember vividly: cotton and wax would fill the gap between my teeth and cheeks to stop constant contact between metal and flesh. On top of that I had the sore teeth associated with braces. I could no longer bite into apples.

Some say beauty is pain. I don’t know if I agree. If the good is greater than the pain then I’m always in for a little hurt and a big victory.

I had a big shoulder surgery 5 years ago on an injury I endured when I was much younger. I had started meditating and suddenly I realized my shoulder hurt. Meditation brings you into your body; it wakes you up. I realized the pain was always there. It was just chronically ignored.

It had popped out from time to time since the first injury and I knew it was weak. My original doctor said it was nothing and to wear a sling for a month. The f#$ker.

My new doctor — the shoulder surgeon for the Yankees— told me it was in really bad shape and he didn’t understand how I could bear the pain. My shoulder wasn’t in the joint properly, and I had arthritis from years of bone-on-bone friction. I know women have a higher pain threshold than men, but I think I was doing a pretty good job at enduring it.

I was a college sophomore at the time. The surgery was painful and so was the recovery. My roommates didn’t give a shit: they would rather smoke pot. Safe to say they are not friends anymore… if they ever were.

I never liked pain killers. Or any drugs for that matter. And still I avoid them as a last measure. I don’t think it is masochistic but I like feeling into pain. Leaning into pain until it stops.

This is also a great martial arts technique. Go with the force. Use the force.

The pain was always there.

It’s the hurt you don’t see that needs to be communicated. We don’t like talking about pain because attention on it enlivens it. Bring in some more caring eyes. The double-slit experiment taught us that how we see things changes what we see.

“Show me where it hurts” — the doctor

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Written by

I write about business and leadership. Published author twice. Don’t use it against me. Not a blogger.

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