The High Cost of Entrepreneurship

[note: I wrote and posted this article on Huffington Post back in 2015 and got a lot of response to it from entrepreneurs all over the world, many of whom shared their own struggles and journeys through and out of darkness.

I’ve decided to repost it in the hopes that it can again help more of my fellow entrepreneurial brothers and sisters. Some of the text has been updated to reflect experiences since I last wrote this.]

There’s a line in an old Bruce Cockburn song, “Lovers in a Dangerous Time:”

“Got to kick at the darkness ’til it bleeds daylight.”

This is the story of my personal battle with darkness and the long journey towards daylight.

This is not a story you often hear in entrepreneurial circles.

You can wallpaper a house with articles like ‘25 Common Characteristics of Successful Entrepreneurs’ and ’10 Daily Habits of Exceptionally Happy People,’ but honest, straight talk of the struggles that come with entrepreneurship are few and far between. There’s generally too much ego at stake in the world of entrepreneurship for that kind of vulnerability.

Yet for many entrepreneurs, their journey is often a lonely and difficult one.

Mine almost killed me.

INTO THE DARKNESS

In 2004, I was in my 9th year as an entrepreneur, running a mountain bike tour company called Sacred Rides. It was a relatively successful, growing company, and I spent many halcyon summer days on my bike, showing my customers my favorite trails and wild places in the Canadian Rockies.

My partner had left the company a few years earlier, and I was on my own. While the summer months were amazing and spent on my bike in the company of others, I found the offseason work (marketing, sales, bookkeeping, etc.) isolating but enjoyed the freedom and lifestyle that entrepreneurship afforded me.

Then on Christmas Eve, 2004, my girlfriend broke up with me and everything changed.

We’d only been dating a few months, so I wasn’t really heartbroken over the relationship, but the breakup and loss triggered an intense tailspin. I hid in my room for two months, emerging only to eat and take care of bodily functions. My isolation deepened, and when I finally left the house, many long weeks later, it was just long enough to get diagnosed with serious clinical depression.

Thus began my on-again-off-again battle with antidepressants, and my long journey through darkness. It was a journey that brought me back to my hometown of Toronto, and after a humbling stint, at the age of 34, in my mother’s basement, to a small, lonely room in a friend’s house.

My depression worsened and my isolation grew. I managed to, somehow, keep my company afloat, but my constant companion during those days was a terrible inner voice saying, on repeat, “life is terrible, and it will never get better.”

The turning point came in the summer of 2006.

I woke up one night, shaking, in a cold sweat. I sat up in bed with a feeling of dread so intense I felt as if the world — or at least my world — was coming to an end. That inner voice was so loud that I actually put my hands over my ears to try and make it stop. It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before.

Now the voice was telling me that I had only one way out — to kill myself.

I’d had fleeting thoughts of suicide over the past year, but I’d never taken them seriously.

This was different. The feeling was so intense that I didn’t think I’d be able to survive the night.

I sat shaking in my bed for over 3 hours, battling that voice, trying to convince myself that this ‘only way out’ was not the only way out.

I managed, somehow, to finally get back to sleep. I’m grateful that I did because if that had gone on much longer I don’t know if I would have survived the night.

When I woke, I knew something had changed, that I’d entered a new phase of darkness. As hard as the past year and a half had been, I could tolerate it and get through each day.

But I couldn’t bear the thought of another night like that one. And even though I’d made it through once, I wasn’t sure I could make it through another.

TOWARD THE LIGHT

That day, I called my doctor and he prescribed a larger dose of antidepressants, which I finally committed to. I opened up and asked my roommate if I could call on him if needed. He said yes.

I made it through the next night and the night after. I began seeing a therapist. I joined group therapy. I did therapy retreats. I started meditating. I started taking yoga classes, then enrolled in yoga teacher training. I started running. I ran some more. I became the Forrest Gump of self-help. I just knew I could never go back to that night.

No words can possibly describe what happened that night. Suffering from mental illness is bad enough, but suffering in silence is even worse.

I’m proud to say I’ve made it to daylight, and the darkness is a vivid but now distant memory. I have 3 beautiful young children, an incredible wife, several thriving businesses, and mentor and consult several incredible entrepreneurs. I live a rich, rewarding and meaningful life, and feel successful on many levels.

I write this article in the hope that my story can serve as a cautionary but inspiring tale for other entrepreneurs — and encourage them (you?) to open up about their struggles, seek help, and eliminate the stigma that comes with mental illness.

Mental illness is so much harder to deal with it when you’re dealing with it alone. If you’re struggling, reach out for help — open up to a friend, seek resources, and if you need to, reach out to me — I’m happy to chat.

HOW TO SURVIVE AS AN ENTREPRENEUR

Below are a few of my personal tips for keeping the darkness at bay. I’m no guru, so like any life advice, take this with a dose of context: this is what worked for me, and may not necessarily work for you (that said, most of these things have been proven in studies to be beneficial).

Join a mastermind/entrepreneur group
Mastermind groups, like Entrepreneur’s Organization, are small (typically 8–10 people) groups of entrepreneurs that meet regularly to discuss challenges and share wisdom and best practices. I belong to a couple of groups, and while they are invaluable in helping me overcome business challenges, they’re also a great source of emotional support, because the members have often faced or are facing the same personal struggles.

They’re also an effective way to fight isolation and develop your social network (see below).

Develop a morning routine
I have a 2-hour morning routine that starts at 5am, which I have been following religiously for over 2 years. My morning routine starts my day off right, holds me to positive habits, and helps me stay on top of my emotional and physical wellbeing.

My morning routine varies a bit, but almost always incorporates a) meditation b) journaling c) yoga d) planning my day/life e) reading. You can read more about how I implemented and stay on top of my morning routine here.

Practice Gratitude
Studies have shown that a regular gratitude practice can have a significant positive effect on wellbeing. Simply put, depression and deep, true gratitude are mutually incompatible.

These days I practice gratitude daily, as a regular part of my entire life. This includes using the 5-Minute Journal every morning, reflecting on what I’m grateful for as I drift off to sleep, and expressing gratitude to my wife, kids, family and friends on a regular basis.

Join a co-working space
This is especially valuable if you’re a solo entrepreneur. Working in your PJs at home is great, but it’s also very isolating. Joining a co-working space, like the renowned Centre for Social Innovation (where my office used to be) gets you out of the house and interacting with others. They’re typically not much more than the price of that daily frappuccino at your Starbuck’s ‘office’, and a much more professional place to meet with clients and partners.

Get social
Further to the point above, there is no bigger contribution to depression than isolation. Developing your social network — both close relationships and more casual ones — will not only improve your sense of well-being, it will also make a significant impact on your business success and it will also help you live longer:

In 2017 I invested heavily in my relationships, first by simply making the commitment that my relationships were going to be my top priority, particularly with the people closest to me like my wife and kids.

I then expanded my network heavily by attending several entrepreneur-focused events, where I met hundreds of incredible people made dozens of new friends.

In the fall of 2017 I worked on deepening those relationships by inviting some of my favorite people out to lunch so I could learn more about them and build our friendships further (I went on over 2 dozen lunch ‘dates’ in October and December with some truly amazing people).

Get enough sleep
This one is crucial. Too many entrepreneurs succumb to the 80-hour workweek myth, believing that if you’re not logging double-full-time hours and sleeping 4 hours a night, you’re not working hard enough. You can do this for a week or two when you’re on a big deadline, but otherwise, it’s a recipe for long-term disaster.

Get at least 6 hours a night, ideally 7 to 8.

Meditate
A recent study showed that as little as 5 minutes of meditation a day can reap significant positive benefits. Meditation can be a massive help to entrepreneurs (it’s useful for anyone, really) in overcoming entrepreneurship’s stress and high psychological toll.

In order to stay consistent, I incorporate it into my morning routine. I used to use apps like Headspace and Calm to guide my meditation, but since Xmas 2017 I’ve been using an incredible tool called the Muse headband: a headband that reads your brainwaves and provides real-time feedback so you can maintain a deep meditation state. They’re not cheap, about $300,but I highly recommend this tool.

I hope this article has helped you in some small — or big — way, and again, please don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re struggling and want someone to talk to.

If you — or someone you know — are really struggling and are considering harming yourself, please call for help immediately.

In Canada, there are crisis centres across the country. In the US, call 1–800–273–8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. If you are outside of North America, please visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention for a database of international resources.

NOTE: I’ll be leading roundtables about the topic of well-being and depression in the world of entrepreneurship at my upcoming Mastermind Adventures events.

If you’re an audacious entrepreneur and want to have a ton of fun while growing your network and making new friends, apply for an upcoming event (or if I already know you, please reach out to request an invitation).

P.s. I hope you’ve enjoyed this post and found value in it. If you’re interested in exploring topics like this further, there are a few ways I might be able to help you:

1. Join me and your fellow entrepreneurs at one of my upcoming Mastermind Adventures events, where we explore topics such as these and where you can connect with, learn from, and have crazy adventures with your fellow entrepreneurs: http://mastermind-adventures.com

2. I create a bit of space in my schedule to coach overwhelmed entrepreneurs (typically leading companies from $500K to $5M) on how to get out of their team’s way, free up their own time and have self-managing companies that create less stress and more joy in their lives: https://mikebrcic.com/consulting

3. If you’re in Toronto, join my mailing list and get notified about upcoming events I put on for entrepreneurs, like workshops, dinners and get-togethers: https://mikebrcic.com/toronto-events