The 3 Best Brunch Spots in NYC

If you’re a cool millennial focused dude like me, you know WE LOVE BRUNCH! It’s what my last 4 Kickstarters were about. I’m talking oj (no relation to the actor from that new TV show) and champagne man! Eggs? Ugh, duh. Ever hear of it? Tator tots? All day, every day.

But where are the real spots? The authentic New York City must-eats. I’m not talking those tourist traps where people wear Larry Johnson Hornets jerseys and chat about baby showers. (everyone knows real NY dudes rock the Linsanity throwbacks).

Talk about a #TBT

Naw, naw, naw, forget that we*k shit (that’s p.c. for weak shit), I’m talking the primo, prime leggo my ego type stuff (hey who remembers the 90s? Are you a 90s kid? Do you remember Full House?).

Luckily for you, the Brunch Champ (TM pending) is here. I go to brunch so much that my last 4 girlfriends broke up with me there.

You don’t wanna date me anymore? FINE, I’ll take this frittata to go!

So I give you, the ultimate brunch spots in NYC.

3. Subway

You know I want that flatbread son!

‘Eat Fresh’ is their motto so you know it’s always farm to table. Plus it’s known for being low in calories. The worst part about brunch is how fattening it is. Us young brunchies call that “Problematic.” But Subway doesn’t use “real food” so we don’t have to worry about “real calories.” We call that a win-win in the egg game.

PROS: Cool sign. Cool slogan. Cool flatbreads

CONS: Don’t serve liquor. Spokesman barely makes TV ads anymore (lazy much?)

2. Dunkin’ Donuts

The good thing about DD (not to be confused with the bra size which is also cool too), is that they are constantly changing their menu. It’s almost like they are experimenting on real customers. Have you ever said to yourself “man I wish I could be part of a test to see if my insides explode for only $2.99?” Then you’re in luck.

Dunkin’ Food scientists at Getty Images University

The good thing about DD (the brunch spot you pervs!) is that they serve it all day long. Some brunch places are snobby and are like ‘hey it’s 10:45 at night and we’re closed so please don’t fall asleep with a lit cigarette in your mouth.’ Ugh, talk about lame. DD doesn’t do that. They know that sometimes your fellow brunchies have to meet with their probation officer for a DUI arrest in the morning and they need some eggs and sausage at night.

PROS: DD makes you think of bras. Serves brunch all day. Big menu.

CONS: Slogan is about exercise. Sometimes they put a sports team I don’t like on my coffee cup. Can’t sleep there for more than 2 hours.

#1 JetBlue Terminal at JFK Airport

The Mecca of Brunch

This is what we in the brunch community refer to as The Mecca. Think of it as all your foodie needs in one spot. Sure it’s not in the most convenient location but you got Starbucks, Au Bu Pain and Panini Express all within walking distance. That’s like going to a movie theater that’s playing Terminator 2, Rocky IV and Fast Five all at once! Shit I just leaked a little.

If you can brunch, and I can brunch, we can all brunch! (translated into Russian too)

A real New Yorker tip: head to the airport for the entire weekend. That way you get to brunch on Saturday and Sunday (they let you sleep on the floor if you say your flight got delayed). You’ll have to buy a ticket somewhere to get past security and get the full experience but with all the low fares on JetBlue.com (SPONSORED) that shouldn’t be a problem.

Can’t spell Brunch without JETBLUE.COM

PROS: Foodie heaven. Make a weekend out of it. Can be on the lookout for terrorism.

CONS: A tad expensive. An hour train ride from Manhattan, but that’s the price you pay because Manhattan is the new Brooklyn which is the new Astoria which is the new Manhattan.

Good Solid Info.

CONCLUSION:

Look you’re free to eat wherever you like, but I’ve been hitting up brunch spots since I was a kid (in the 90s, do you guys remember it? There was a show about Urkel) so you can pretty much take this to the bank.

Let me know if you need any more lifestyle suggestions. I have so many suggestions. Bars, nightclubs and ecstasy dens is my speciality.

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