Thank you for sharing your experience here, your heartfelt words and description of your relationship makes me both very happy for what you had, and very sad for what you’ve lost.

I feel exactly the same about my relationship with my wife (together ten years) and we can be very insular through our love and not share as much time with friends as we probably should — but when you have that connection with someone, you do become selfish and don’t want to share. Sometimes we talk about being scared of losing each other and whilst you can only begin to imagine what it’s like to lose that person, your account of your experience really brings it home. My sister died five years ago and that’s a hard thing to go through, but that familial love is very different from the all consuming love towards a partner — I can’t fathom the depth of your loss right now.

I have always worried not only about how I would feel, and react to losing my wife, but also how would she cope if something was to happen to me. I have always thought — not that there ever would be such a choice, but, if there were —that I would rather be the one to go so that she could remain living, but after reading what you’re going through I would never wish that on her.

That’s not to say we dwell on this stuff, but as I’ve got into my mid-thirties I’m naturally thinking about it more. As always we will continue to each other’s company, but I will always remember to not take it for granted.

As a stranger, and someone who will likely never meet you, it’s easy for me to say that I’d offer you a coffee and my ear, but I’d sincerely offer that to you at the very least. I must have been very hard to write your account, but also a little cathartic, and if you’re feeling forgotten by friends, then allow this random stranger on the internet to say to you “my thoughts are with you”. Hopefully there are enough strangers on Medium to offer you some small amount of support that will help even get you through the briefest of a hard moment.