5 Pablos That Deserve Kanye’s Love More Than St. Paul
After keeping us on the edge of our seats for what seemed like an eternity, Kanye West released his eighth studio album, The Life Of Pablo, in the most Kanye way possible.
First, by blaring it throughout Madison Square Garden in accompaniment to his own fashion show. Then, by maniacally screeching “album in stores,” after a dazzling performance of “Ultralight Beam” on Saturday Night Live.
In further Kanye fashion, the album we all begrudgingly began a free trial of Tidal for isn’t even the final version. That will be out later this week.
TLOP, described by none other than Kanye himself as “a gospel album with a whole lot of cursing on it,” is perhaps fittingly named after St. Paul the Apostle.
Though Paul is “Pablo” in Spanish, his namesake leaves something to be desired. Of the plethora of Pablos available, Yeezy couldn’t simultaneously be closer to and further from the Bible mainstay.
Without further ado, we honor the Pablos who were snubbed. From least-deserving to most-deserving here are the five Pablos that would make a better namesake for Kanye’s album:
Someone needs to tell Picasso’s great grandson that the revered artist is not in fact whom Kanye named TLOP after. Picasso and Yeezy are kindred spirits — deviants of societal norms and masters of artistry. It would’ve been fitting for West to honor the painter with an album that exemplifies artistic genius. Perhaps this Pablo missed his chance to be forever linked with ‘Ye due to an unspoken Illuminati agreement after the success of Jay Z’s “Picasso Baby.”
Another obvious choice, another Pablo fallen by the wayside. Drugs and rap will be intertwined for as long as the two exist, thus maybe this would have all been too cliché for Yeezus. Or maybe Mr. West was fed up with all of those subtitles in Narcos. Regardless, Escobar’s fame is relegated to his drug lord past and a song by Soulja Boy.
Baseball doesn’t like Kanye and apparently Kanye doesn’t like baseball. Somewhere the 29-year-old Red Sox third baseman is sulking after listening to “I Love Kanye” for the 48th time. What has Sandoval done to deserve the nod, you ask? Two things: he’s lost weight again and he has the best nickname in professional sports, Kung Fu Panda. Okay, he’s done nothing.
This would have been the perfect opportunity for Kanye to take the “best celebrity basketball fan” throne away from Drake. Naming a highly-anticipated album after the most irrelevant player in the Association takes fandom to a new level even the Celebrity All-Star Game coach can’t match. In reality, it makes sense Prigioni lost the Pablo lottery. There’s no way he can jump over Jumpman.
Don’t tell me you can’t picture little ‘Ye sitting in suburban Chicago playing Backyard Baseball on his Gateway computer. Despite Backyard Sports’ fade into obscurity, Sanchez remains a transcendent fictional character. Sanchez proved to children everywhere that size doesn’t matter by bashing home runs and throwing perfect spirals on the reg. He is the Kanye of video games and thanks to the Kanye of life, that is all he’ll ever be.
Pour one out for Neruda, who couldn’t even make this list.
A version of this story was originally published on February 17, 2016 on Slant.