Drink Like You’re Still In College With The Ultimate March Madness Drinking Game
March Madness is back. For the next few weeks, hundreds of college basketball’s brightest stars will compete for a national championship while millions of Americans will develop a temporary fetish for the word “bracket.”
Keeping track of colleges you’ve never heard of can be pretty stressful, but luckily there’s an easy way to take the edge off: a good, old-fashioned drinking game.
What You’ll Need
- A lukewarm case of shitty light beer reminiscent of your college days.
- An equally lukewarm handle of the cheapest vodka you can find.
- Keys you’re comfortable shotgunning with.
- A day off from work (not required).
Take A Drink
- Every time someone says “bracket.”
- Every time you check your bracket.
- Every time you correctly pick a matchup.
- Every time you incorrectly pick a matchup.
- Every time someone says “Cinderella.”
Take A Shot
- If there’s an upset.
- If Dick Vitale refers to someone as a “diaper dandy.”
- If Jay Bilas references a player’s “basketball IQ.”
- Every time a game goes to overtime.
- Every time a coach busts a dance move.
Finish Your Drink
- If a team you selected to reach the Final Four gets out in the first round.
- If a team wins courtesy of a buzzer beater.
- If Grayson Allen does something that makes the entire country mad.
- Every time a player is deemed a lottery pick in the 2016 NBA draft.
- Every time President Barack Obama’s bracket is mentioned.
Shotgun A Beer
- If a No. 16 seed beats a No. 1 seed.
- If the team you selected to win gets out in the first round.
- If none of the No. 1 seeds reach the Final Four.
- If a team wins its first tournament game ever.
- Every time Charles Barkley incorrectly pronounces a player’s name.
A version of this story was originally published on March 17, 2016 on Slant.