Baby Poppin Time
As I’m hanging out with my niece, Maddie, watching Cup Cake wars there is an unspoken air of excitement wafting through the house. Is it Christmas Joy? The excitement of winter’s first snow coming? The fact tomorrow is Friday? While all would be fitting for the time, it’d be false. At least for tonight. You see for the last nine months my sister in law, Megan, has slowly been growing into a plump little baby oven. And tonight is the night a new soul comes into this crazy but beautiful world.
It’s funny, while we’ve noticed slight alterations in Megan’s size, mostly in her belly; honestly I’ll say she’ll be right back to 110lbs the second this baby pops out, this all seems so out of the blue. Just last weekend Megan was out and about as if nothing had changed from 9 months before. Now maybe this is just my pure ignorance of how pregnancy works but tonight seems so unexpected.
Sitting here I can’t help notice the random string of thoughts scrolling through my head. Is this happening already, where did the 7 months go since I found out? How will this change the family dynamics? Will my time with Nathan completely change? How will Maddie, Nathan, Megan and the baby all interact together? When will I have a kid? What would life been like if Jen had kept ours? Where’s my life headed towards?
The mind. It’s freaking crazy. Oh how it wonders. How it can be so powerful yet so detrimental at the same time. In the past two years I’ve done a lot of work on looking inward. I’ve discovered alot of weeknesses I need to work on. And what I’ve learned from this process is it’s hard as fuck! When you look inward it’s easy to develop a lot of self doubts and can crumble confidence. You loose sight of the beauty around you. And It takes enormous effort to pull your thoughts out of that circle, putting yourself back into your surroundings. But always know, you’re not the only one out there thinking these thoughts, you’re never alone.
But any hour now a new Forrest will be born into this world. While she is still nameless to the world outside of Nathan and Megan, I know she will be the most beautiful thing I’ve seen up to this point in my life.
So Little Forrest this is my message to you. I want to warn you that when I look into your eyes for the first, you will bring tears to my eyes. Don’t worry though, these tears will be ones of joy, tears of be-wonderment, and tears of uncertainty.
Tears of Uncertainty? Why, what does that even mean, you ask? Well when I look into you eyes I’ll be wondering what will this little Forrest’s perception of me be in 25 years when you’re my age. What will our relationship be like up to then? Will I be a person of inspiration in your life? How will I help you through some of life’s struggles. Will I help define your personality or will I just be a family member you see at Christmas?
First I should make it clear, you will never need to worry about inspiration or your struggles. As you are coming into no better home. Your mom, your dad, your sister, there is no better group to be born into. All amazing with so much wisdom and love to give to you. Your dad has been a hero to me my whole life and I know he will be for you too. Your mom and Maddie, I could not of been any happier when they became Forrests.
But in the feature I hope that you can look back on your life and see me as an integral part of it. So I will promise you one thing. This one thing is something so simple but yet so hard. It’s something you will experience all your life. It’s one of the most important things in life. What is it you ask? Well, little one, it’s Fear. For fear is the one emotion that has more power than anything you will ever face. Fear has created and destroyed the most powerful kingdoms mankind has known. How you handle it will entirely shape your future.
But back to my promise. From the day that I look into those bamby eyes of yours I promise to do one thing every day. That one thing will be to make myself follow through with something that arouses fear in me. Someday s it may be as small as saying hi to a stranger an another day it might be as big as quitting my job or telling someone I love them for the first time.
Now I know, that is some self-indulged promise! But 25 years from now on your 25th birthday. I will look into your eyes and once again just like your first birthday, my eyes will once again fill with tears. But this time you’ll ask, why? To which, all I will say is thank you and show you this post.
Thank you little Forrest. Thank you for the inspiration you gave me. I owe it all to you. Now it’s your turn. Go make your dreams come true. Know it’s never too big or never too late, just say no to fear.