What I’ve learned about negative thinking.

I’m going to make two quick assumptions if you’re reading this. You probably already know about the term “positive thinking,” and probably have your personal definition.

In my view, positive thinking to me is an act of mentally constructing positive thoughts to produce a shift in attitude towards something. Research has shown that positive thinking wields tons of benefits from better health, achieving life goals, and even improved relationships with loved ones.

By no means am I an expert in this field, so I instead of focusing on positive thinking, I’d like to share my specific experiences with its’ evil twin, negative thinking.

So let me start off by painting a picture for you, I was 21 years old, a lot more handsome, skin a little tighter, a little more hair. I was freshly graduated from college with a degree in design and ready to take on the corporate world. Fast forward 4 months into my job hunt and I still haven’t landed a job. After numerous e-mails, cold calls, and interviews I have began to lose hope. Then one day, I received an e-mail from a college friend about an open design position at his job. He thought I was a good fit and asked for me to come in for an interview with his boss.

I was extremely excited at first, but that quickly faded as soon as I began to remember all of the rejections I had faced in the past four months. I feared that I would get rejected again so much that I ended up staying up and worrying the entire night before the interview. During the interview, I was a wreck. I was so worried about getting rejected, that I ended up messing up a crucial point in any interview for a design position — explaining my design portfolio. I left devastated and even more worried about getting that rejection call. Without fail, shortly after the interview I received a call back and once again, I was rejected.

During this time, one of my best friends had also been hunting for a job. My best friend gave me a call sounding super excited, and said “Mike! I finally landed a job!” Hearing this, I started to think “What? How did he got a job and I didn’t?! Life isn’t fair!” I became so jealous, that I didn’t hear the rest of what he was saying. So clouded in envy, I didn’t hear his messages of support “Hang in there, you’re gonna get a job soon enough,” and “the minute you get a job, we’ll go and celebrate together.”

Now five months into my job hunt and after seeing all of my friend’s progress in life, I felt completely defeated. I love design so much, but I couldn’t for the life of me, figure out why no one wanted me. I began to wonder if I was even cut out for this field. The little voice in my head kept saying —“All of the no’s and rejections you received means you don’t have the talent and can’t do this.”

But one night, as I lamented about life being unfair to my family, my mother stopped me mid-sentence and in a sharp tone only mothers can have, told me negativity has a way of manifesting itself in our lives, and if I continued to think that way, that’s all I’ll ever see.

Hearing this gave me a moment of self-realization. Throughout my job hunt, I was sabotaging my efforts. I realized I had a pattern of constructing negative thoughts and choosing to give in to them. When I received news about a job interview, I worried about failing rather than envisioning success. The moment I heard good news about the people I love getting things before me, I filled my thoughts with jealousy rather than joy and happiness for them. And every time I was rejected or failed, I began to doubt every aspect of my life instead of and encouraging myself.

Taking this lesson to heart, I realized change had to happen. So I began to make the following three changes in my approach to life:

Number One
Whenever I begin to worry — I snap a rubber band on my wrist as a mnemonic device to think about overcoming whatever is worrying me.

Number Two
When it comes to the blessings family and friends receive, I remind myself of the joy they bring into my life and reflect that feeling back on to them. In turn, I became their cheerleader.

“The only time you look in your neighbor’s bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don’t look in your neighbor’s bowl to see if you have as much as them.”

-Louis C.K.

Number Three
When I start to feel any form of insecurity and self-doubt, I immediately replace any negative thoughts with all of my accomplishments and remember the happiness I felt at that exact moment.

After just a month of making these changes to my thinking I began to see change not only in the way I carried and felt about myself, but in my environment as well. My days seemed a ton brighter and I could now see the tons of possibilities. The relationships I have with my family and friends deepened and flourished. And wouldn’t you know it? I finally landed a job and celebrated with all of my friends.

I don’t want you to think that my life since this change has been all positive. The yin cannot exist without the yang. Whether someone lets you down or an overwhelming obstacle stands in your way, negativity will always find a way to come up in life.

However, I am positively speaking to remind you that how we deal with negativity is a choice. It’s our choice.

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere”

- Erma Bombeck

So if you’re ever faced with this choice, I implore you to remember — envision success; the energy you project reflects onto you; fill all the corners of self-doubt with your happiest moments; and finally, pay attention because this one is really important — once in awhile find a private space and yell at the top of your lungs — “I AM A ROCKSTAR!”