One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching. — Gerard Way
I don’t believe that anything in life is either black or white. I’m a firm believer in that there is always a gray area that we may not be aware of in certain situations. I’m one of those people who believe that the bullied sometimes become the bullies, victims (survivors) become warriors and that our choices are a direct reflection of who we are and who we will become.
“Well“, you say, “What if we don’t want to be anyone special? What if we just want to overcome our difficulties and live a happy life?”
I hear that, fellow nerd. I know life is hard, especially if you’ve been through a lot of trauma. I’m here to tell you that it can get better. You can read that again, using a slightly more badass version:
IT’LL BE OKAY!
It used to be that we depended on social institutions, but that ship has sailed a long time ago. No one trusts anyone anymore and we’re all a little too busy to take a breather, build bonds and empower healthier relationships. There’s no judgement here, though. I too, am in the same boat in regards to trusting people — but for good reason.
Most of us are more knowledgeable (and a lot stronger) than we give ourselves credit for. We join a gym, see a therapist, take a vacation, take up Yoga — and we take all of that knowledge so we could utilize it on a day-to-day basis. Yet, it doesn’t work. Why can’t we find the answer we’re looking for? We don’t understand the problem; that’s where things start spiraling downward. It’s like forcing an anti-virus program to clean your computer when nothing was broken in the first place. Do that too much and it’ll do more harm than good. This is where I come in and take a therapist’s side. “One day at a time.” That’s your answer. In order for you to understand how a machine is working, we have to take it apart and see what each part does — after analyzing each part, we’ll have a better understanding of what the whole thing does.
Ever feel confused? Great! Confusion is good, because it is our salvation. It is motivation to keep seeking improvement. It is,inevitably , what keeps us in therapy. It is why we do what we do in life. It is why we keep going. We grow and learn a little each day, because we don’t know everything — and soon, things will unfold as they should and become more clear.
Why am I saying all of this? Because you deserve to be heard and understood. Not just by me, of course, but by others. There are so many people who wish they could share with you just how much they care about you and see you get everything you had ever hoped for. We just may not know how to express that.
Through the pain of suffering comes the joy of winning and succeeding. How do I know this? My own therapist has taught me this. She may not know this, of course, but that’s the beauty of therapists. Sometimes, they just don’t know the positive impact they make on the lives of their clients. I went to her in unimaginable pain (emotional pain, that is) and I’m still in loads of pain. However, there are small victories; I smile more, I sometimes see things in a more positive light and I make an effort. That’s what I’m hoping for, for all of you. It doesn’t have to be a magically massive change. Something small that will gradually expand when you’re ready, is where the journey to happiness begins. It is where we reclaim our identity and overcome adversity. It is how we become fighters.
What is happiness?
That is a question only you can answer for yourself. To me, happiness is:
- Waking up every morning with no regrets
- Looking forward to the day simply because you get to live it (not having to rely on external factors).
- Being heard, understood, loved and appreciated.
- Having the ability to fight through the darkness and into the light.
- Going to sleep knowing you’ll have nightmares but having enough courage and faith to know you’ll be okay.
- Getting to do what you love.
What is happiness to YOU?
So, where was I? Right. I don’t see things in life as either black or white. Everything, or most things in life, have a gray area. The gray area symbolizes hope. Chance. Possibility. It is what I see in Gerard Way’s quote. At the end of the day, we’re going to be alive. Make sure that what you’re doing serves you, your well-being and happiness. Because we will face the consequences of our actions. Why not let those consequences be the key to finding the light, allowing us to shine it on the darkness? Eventually, we’ll realize that we’re only guaranteed one life and that the real focus should be going to sleep every night, regretting one less thing each night, until we have nothing but positive experiences. So, when do have bad days, we’re strong enough to overcome it, with support, love and understanding.