Gain, Ground, Go
One class done, but something amiss with my attitude. Not severely but enough to get my attention. Part of it attributed to that full-timer asking how I was, in the hallway. But that wasn’t it, when he said, “We treating you okay?”, I don’t know, found its way under the writer’s armor. I know, ignore it, shake it off, and what’s wrong with asking how I’m doing? Well, in a word, everything. He didn’t ask how I was doing. And, does he really care? Is he mocking me or bragging in some way? WE, treating you okay? I’ve never spoke to this guy before in my life and he’s had plenty of opportunity over the years to say something to me. But no, I’m just an adjunct. Not going to go on about this as I don’t expect anyone to invest emotionally or even thoughtfully, just know that full-timers when they exude that laid-back smug it pisses me off. But, again, moving onward.
Motivated this Monday and bewildered in positive energy and vibes and tides after my 6.3-mile run this morning, which signifies the start of a new training season. And the writer’s goal: 26.2 on year from now. A ‘full’. I have to do one. I have to. So that’s a goal. My newest goal. Losing ground to NaNoWriMo, but I’m not even in a slight mood to give up. Should eat lunch and take a break of some kind before English 1A. Monday, treating it like a day off, like a day of total creativeness and wild color, my personality imbued expressively and never subdued. Taking a couple bites of the burrito and not writing, not an option. I need to gain on my writing and my Monday even more. Gain ground, so go, go, write quicker I tell myself. If I’m a brand it’s the “tireless writing’, always noting or observing, releasing books quicker than readers can keep up with. Publishing myself and not one waiting for some acceptance letter or call from a publisher. “GO!” the voice internal whips, so I commit to a couple more words before taking another bite. Just kidding, I took one. So now what. Adjunct in the adjunct shared office, adjunct hole, adjunct hell, but today’s for me it’s a heaven, a prime motivating heaven where I type faster and faster and note everything around me, like the students in my classes furiously scribbling what the other says, what I say, certain remarks on passages in Gatsby (what English 100 is reading at the moment).
Mood gone, off campus, like that full-timer. They never have to teach 5–7 classes. And I say “have to” for a reason. They get first pick. We get the leftover section-shit. But enough about that, I know I know I know. It’s Monday, where I’m revved like an angry engine, waiting for that flag to be shook. Come on, wave it! The day it waved, this morning on my run, where I chose to stop well short of my 13.1 goal as I haven’t run in a while, and I was connected to my running in a way I want to be even, more tempered. Not so many long runs before races, but more shorter sprints, 45 minutes, and hour, or certain mile markers that won’t utterly deplete me before making my way to campus. And that could be it, maybe I’m too drained and that coaxes sensitivity in my inner activity. Should have not acted so off-put when he said that to me. Oh well. I said what I said which was something, “All good, brother.” Something like that. Now though, I’m accruing ground, furthering into my day as this is the first chance I’ve had to sit down and actually write something. Very much looking forward to next semester, with only one class early. 7:30 AM. I’ll have more time treat myself, better than ‘okay’.
Finishing burrito. Hear noises in hall. This seems like a rerun of an episode. Maybe I should get the hell out of this building and walk around, treat myself to a walk. That’ll feel better than “okay”. Couple more bites and I’ll take off. What I learned from this sitting: ignore my mood, if it’s anything but positively radiant and reaching, encouraging and smile-prone. That’s the only way to live. I have kids and I refuse to let them have an anything but loving and joker of a daddy. They cause me to reflect more on time and my usage of my time more than anything ever has. Nothing comes close in terms of motivation, to my babies. Pausing for a second to this about where I am in the day, the year, my NaNo effort. November 14th… How the, what, is that possible? Time to gain more ground, just go, go, to my first flight to a speaking engagement somewhere in or out of the country. Just as I publish myself, I’ll publish a reality, a creativity consistency that not even I know I wanted or was capable of attaining. Renewed, and looking to 26.2.