I Take

“Bonjour!” Said to myself right when I woke up, and not sure why, shortly after being called by daughter and me going in there, to her room, the pick her up, bring her back to our bed while wife was out at her morning workout session, seminar. Little Kerouac soon followed, and when he was under sheets I remembered what he said the other morning bout changing the world by way of memo. Yesterday, didn’t change any worlds, not mine or a reader’s, not my students’ nor my kids’ as I didn’t write barely anything. Today, like Thursday, planning on touching 3000 words. Teaching myself again to push toward what I SEE…. This wee community college English Instructor, adjunct, more than merely seeing Stanford, this morning. Teaching everywhere, in my head, and I know that anyone reading this with any type of aim, goal, ambition has to be stubborn like me this morning — I WILL get to my There. There is no entertaining negotiation.

In my head this morning, aside from thoughts of coffee and all the sweet, encouraging things my babies were saying to me, asking of me, was Life. Just, Life. Where we are in our stories, where I am in mine, all the conversations I’ve had in my story with so m any people and the first day I arrived at Sonoma State, the first class, around 10:40-something showing up to class, just outside a room in Stevenson Hall, only to see a note that class was cancelled. I found some humor and disappointment in the class being called, on the first day of the semester. I had a conversation with my then-suitemate, Dan, to the shape of, “Okay… now what? What class do you have next?” Think we went back to our apartment and talked, had something to snack on and then back to either Stevenson or Nicholson Hall. Years ago, and between now and right now where I sit in my usual spot at the Windsor Starbucks, I see my Life, where I am in it and what else I have to learn. Everyone around me talking and me not able to hear, with jazz in ears as usual, but maybe I ought more closely observe.

I write about education, I guess…. Educating one’s self and others through a sharing and writing of experiences. This morning, telling me to slow down a bit, to enjoy the morning, all the people around you whether you’re listening or not. 08:06, and I’m here much earlier than I usually am, even on weekends when I can get here a bit early. Taking in everything, this morrow, using everything to push me closer to a expansive and constantly motioned academic career. Talking about literature and the act of writing, Plath and Kerouac, all my other authors, the essay form and what can be done with it. “Bonjour, mon ami!” Inwardly sung. I smile as cars drive past my window, right, to the drive-through, to get what they need for their mornings. Whether I touch 3000 words today is and isn’t important. What I’m after is more sight, more education, more thought and purpose in my already known living thesis. Seeing essays is embodiments of day, sight, decisions. My There, written to…. Writing Self there with each laptop button push and Plath poem discussed, idea explored with college students. I won’t settle, I won’t negotiate. I self-motivate — NO, I self-actuate. Each sentence, can take us There, wherever you see yourself. But you have to let yourself SEE, know that you’re a SEER.

(4/27/18)