inward jot

The tireless writer lands on campus to — wait, forgot music…. There. ‘Sentimental Mood’ with Coltrane, and I tempt self with writing down day’s goals and business aims but then decide against… don’t want to curse self, or the day, or what it and I concertedly produce. I’ll be scrupulous in everything today. Finishing all projects, and hitting 3,000 words like yesterday. Just have to continue in my movements. May head to friend’s winery later, write there, not so sure I’ll taste but just observe and maybe produce something business, business-wise. Who knows. So there I self-contradict… planned and unplanned, this writer, today. Odd balance that will get the tireless writer to his Roads.

Professional development day, today. What’s that supposed to do? I’m a bit unclear, if you must know. Doesn’t matter. I know what I’m to do, and what I want from the day, what I want from self and my projects…. Hot in this shared adjunct office, uncomfortable, if you must know, even after taking off the Dutcher Crossing baseball shirt, long-sleeve. But I stay at the desk and writer no matter what happens or how I feel. I’m music today, more than writing, more than teaching or speaking or sharing ideas.

ASK YOURSELF — What do I want to be today? It doesn’t have to be where you are, at work. You choose. Embrace the purest form of you, and adjust as YOU see ought. Must be an extension of the first song that was on, its sentimentality. But now Brubeck order me to Take 5. Maybe I will, keep in my own inner screens and drawing boards what the writer’s to today do.

Hard to concentrate with this oven of an office, its temperature and bland feel. But that’s just what I need write about… think about my office in Healdsburg, or Windsor, or Carmel in the house. One thing today’s taught me is to not fight a thing in the morning, nothing… crazy kids, traffic, thin on time, use it. That’s what will help you finish projects, live a more composed life, be truly and coaxed-happy… what will take you to your Road. — An idea hits me, and hits hard, lands with the dinosaur meteor weight. I follow it and follow through with it into the day’s productivity. Not sure you’d call this a life lesson or what, and no I don’t want to write it out and curse it with some cosmic pin. No… I hear it in internal speakers and follow its control-towering.

Coltrane returns to the laptop’s speakers, “Minor Mishap”, more urgency for us not to stress or be excessively harsh on selves when we do misstep or make some benign mistake. You know what you want, so just go get it. Don’t plan, don’t write anything down, just go get it. It’s literally that one-dimensional. Be tireless in everything, and if you feel yourself becoming complacent or bored, or tired, talk yourself out of it. Yes, you have to bring yourself to that springboard, that place, and it takes method, repeat, and it may be a bit of an odd balance, but its the oddity you want. That’s the New, that’s the purest and most candid curve of YOU.

(9/5/17)