inward jot


Helping friend out at his winery, in Healdsburg’s downtown. Scheduled to meet him at 10, but he notifies me that he won’t be there till 11. Good, I thought, time to write. Time to gather, assemble thoughts for day. In my happiness trek, I notice small things, and I notice that writing becomes more laborious, and a bit off-putting which I find tremendously alarming. So I write through it, all of it. Write through my stalling and my moods, and my self-doubt. If this telecoms company offers me something or not saint’s the issue. The issue, if it’s an “issue”, is work. What I do for work. What I learn at work and the differentiation between what I am, who I am, and what I do. The tasting room has fizzled completely, lost its hold and enveloping powers. No winery or wine company can give me the career I want. Only I, or any of us, can do that. I forget about the book possibility and center solely on this blog. Yes, still I guess you could say a “wine blog”, but more. Me finding happiness and sharing findings, reposting and reposting, not caring how obnoxious I’m perceived.

New thoughts this morning for a renewed Mike. Eating the last bit of my wee vanilla bean scone, the day presents itself to me, voluminous laud and praise for me, what I can do as a writer, on this blog. Looking through my pictures on phone, it’s clear that wine and I can’t separate, but relying on wine or its industry for any career is what will only gift the individual unhappiness. So I move on, and into these thoughts, my roaming for knowledge’s sake. Me in a coffee shop, Vine Street Starbucks in Healdsburg. Been quite a while since I’ve written here, had any kind of meaningful session. I remember that one time, writing copy for the grape growers here for hours and how they utterly screwed me on payment… not just not paying me what I quoted, but getting it to me with anything but promptness. Today I have time, time to self, time to collect.

One of my first wine blog entries, simply saying I’m going wine tasting. That’s what I want to be, on that side of the bar, writing, with that simple mentality. Not depending upon tasting room checks to pay my living, mortgage, feed my babies and put them through college, or even pay for a tank of gas… never mind childcare. I wonder why I’ve given so much to the industry, and I don’t know, but I have and I’m using all the experiences that I’ve pocketed, filed, written about. Like today, I’m in the Idlewild Wine tasting room with Thomas from wanting to be there, not from obligation or some need, some favor. In the wine industry? Stay in control. And, don’t over-rely. I’m there to help, to accrue material, stories. Hoping we taste through the characters first, and if not then I’m sure I’ll get the background, the story, which is even more for manuscript’s meaningfulness.