Untangling the Knots of Communication By Moving Beyond the Nuclear Family

We are all tangled up in knots.


I have so many thoughts and feelings right now it is hard to know where to begin…My sadness about my CSA revelations, my anger towards society for allowing this horror to go on, my deep despair at the pervasive presence of CSA rings that funnel child slaves to wealthy bidders. Here in America!

I don’t even know what to say. I am so deeply saddened right now. I write, I speak my mind. On social media. I feel like it does some good, but there is so much work to be done in achieving Justice for the victims of CSA…

I am sad too that I cannot in good conscience expose my abuser. I do not want to destroy this person’s life, but I feel a tension between living and honest open life and hiding the facts from people. It seems like a cruel irony that it should fall upon me to protect my abuser, after all the harm this person has caused me. On the other hand, my abuser has many positive qualities and has enriched my life greatly in his/her actions outside of the abuse, so idk…

There is so much that I want to say and share, that I feel at the moment it is getting all tangled up inside…Sigh, I am at a loss for what to do. That is why I am writing this, to grab hold of the end of one thread and start gently pulling on the knot inside me in the hopes that it will free itself from its self-bondage.

Many people are turning a blind eye to the reality of the CSA epidemic. This must stop! We are deluding ourselves en masse! How ironic that I should have been persecuted, hospitalized, and jailed for my own delusions when so many people carry on with the delusion that everything is fine and “things are as they should be.”

Things are as the should be…

Should be according to whom? To God? Do we honestly think that God frowns upon the work and strides achieved by Abraham Lincoln, Frederic Douglass, Malcolm X, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Harvey Milk, and so many other brave guardians of Justice? Should they have sat idly by in the face of gross injustice and kept their thoughts to themselves? Hell no!! So why do we continue to persecute and alienate those who share their thoughts and beliefs about persecution and injustice? It is so wrong, and people just don’t see it much of the time. It’s not because they are bad people. Perhaps they are dealing with a lot as well, and it’s just too painful to face the bitter reality of life…


Already I feel better; the knot has loosened.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 5:10

So often we forget that those who are persecuted are often the most righteous, and the most worthy of Justice. It’s easy to swallow the establishment line that the people who fall victim to mass incarceration are bad and deserve to live in Hell. It’s easy to ignore the suffering of abused children. None of our business, it’s a family matter. Bullshit. We are all family…“One fama, one real King…” Our communities are our families, sometimes more so than our blood relations. At this moment in my life, I feel much closer to my community than my blood family, because my family has been torn apart by abuse.

Mickey-Mouse-Culture Nuclear Family.

We need to reject the pedestal on which we set the nuclear family. The nuclear family is a shitty model. What is an atom without electrons? What is a family without a surrounding community of action and empathy? The electrons are what energize the atom; they give the atom its most essential power, the power to connect and bond with other atoms. In the nucleus, so far we have only found the destructive power of fission. Similar to the family, when the nucleus is rent asunder, an atomic blast can be the result. We must have community to make our nuclei strong and stable. We must have friendly electrons in our orbits to link us with other families and communities. In that way we can build Life.

In my family, as I see is the case in so many families in America, the nucleus was isolated, adrift in a sea of quantum chaos. Thank God and thank Buddha that I had begun to create a community of friendly electrons to carry me through the dissolution of my nucleus…

Perhaps this science metaphor is too esoteric, but I think it rings true. We are all just molecules adrift in God’s coffee, but when we connect with one another, we form something strong and potent. We form a substance.

The other day I was walking Milly, my lovely dog. We had stopped at a “Free Stuff” junk sale and a man approached, riding bicycles with his a girl who I presumed to be his daughter. I waved at him once while he was far down the road, and he turned his head. I waved at him again as he passed Milly and me, and he turned his head again. I got a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I had to force the stubborn Milly to head home with me. Sara, my fiancee, pointed out that perhaps the man could have been on the autism spectrum, and perhaps he doesn’t deal well with social connection. I acknowledge this possibility, but my gut told me that this was something much more sinister. This was a manifestation of the evil of the nuclear family. When we become the lords and ladies of our own private castles, we can forget that there are millions of other kind, worthy people out there in the world and in our communities. We become so focused on “taking care of our own,” that we forget the duty we have to build a better community. Not out of some childish sense of charity, but out of a respect for one another, and out of the knowledge that when our communities thrive, our families thrive.

The knot has loosened further still. This is why I write, this is why I strive: to loosen the knots within myself and within my external community, because our knots are connected. We are all tangled up in knots. And we need to untie them so we can, perhaps for the first time in thousands of years, open the sacred lines of communication between us.

I will take my Grandfather’s holy advice to “never stop striving.”