Why I’m Not an Alcoholic

And why that might not be such a good thing…

I want to preface this with the fact that I’m writing to reflect in a semi-organized matter and want your thoughts on this topic. Also that title is admittedly click-baity. I’m sorry.

My friends would often ask me why I would never drink, and often I’d cite some moral or practical reason. However, I think there is something more to it than just those things.

Realistically I wouldn’t start drinking and probably lapse into alcoholism because I’m already escaping my problems so well. While I don’t think I work hard enough to be called a workaholic, I’ve found work as an addiction to run away from all my problems in my life. Work has been my escape. Instead of needing to slow down and reflect upon myself, I can just run away to tackle on the next project. It feels productive, it contributes to society, but most importantly, it burdens me with extra load so I don’t have time to think about everything that I’ve been doing wrong.

While I’ve realized this fact for years now, its ramifications were a lot less clear until recently. It’s great that I was able to do so much while working, but at the same time I was just running from myself. However, it is so comforting to be spurred on to do more work. I’m constantly rewarded for the work I do by the people that I’m surrounded with (which is not a bad thing) but I also feel good about myself. But am I the one that’s hurt in the end? What could I do differently? Would it help me to stop and think every once in a while? What would self reflection really give me? Is it even that bad to be addicted to work?

In the end, I have no answers. I don’t know how I feel about using work to run from myself. I can say that it has been working for me so far, and some might even call what I’m doing as being “successful.” It truly is an addiction, and I don’t know if I’m even interested in quitting. I don’t know of anything else that I can do. Until I can figure out how to deal with myself, I guess I’ll just keep running away while achieving “success.”

Society sure is a peculiar judge.