Scrum : a serious guide.

Scrum is hot! Since it’s all technical mumbo-jumbo, you can use this cheat sheet to pretend you know what you’re talking about.

Post-its are the only tools you need to deliver software.

Ceremonies

Don’t call these meetings meetings. That makes you look like a manager and you don’t want that.

Daily Stand-up

15 minute meeting (that takes much longer) where people can’t remember what they did yesterday.

Sprint Planning

2 hour meeting to discuss how many man-days a story point is.

Backlog Grooming Session

2 hour meeting to conclude everything is high priority and must-have.

Retrospective

2 hour meeting to complain about the same stuff we complained about last sprint.

Demo

2 hour meeting where we tell the customer about all the back-end improvements we made but just can’t show.

Roles

Everybody does their part in a cross-functional team. There is a clear Definition of Not My Job.

Team Member

Worker bee. Is late for stand-up.

Scrum Master

Junior Project Manager.

Product Owner

That woman who is in meetings all day.

Stakeholders

When these people show up, there is cheap wine. Hooray!

Customer Proxy

That guy who makes sure you can’t talk to the customer.

Agile Tester

That poor lady that works until 20h every other Thursday.