Connecticut 2nd Most Manly State in Country, According to New Billboard

WESTON — Based on new findings publicized by a North Carolina billboard, the Weston Observer is proud to declare Connecticut to be the second most manly state in the nation, ranking 2nd as a “provider” state — states that contribute more money to the national coffers than they accept in government funding.

The Nutmeg state lost to alpha dog Delaware, but nudged out local bro New Jersey.

The most womanly states according to the analysis were Alabama, New Mexico and Mississippi, the Welfare Queen and most appreciative state in the nation.

Republicans, of course, have long objected to government redistribution of funds. And yet Republican states, on average, are highly dependent on the income of their Democratic neighbors for funding and services. Ranked for government dependency, Republican states averaged a 17 out of 50 for “real womanly-ness,” whereas Democratic, provider states, averaged an ungrateful, but manly, 33.

When asked for a comment, Governor Dan Malloy simply said, “You’re welcome, ladies.”

North Carolina ranked an androgynous 26 and may therefore not be able to use its own bathrooms.

Michael Ventimiglia for the Weston Observer