It Takes More Than Willpower To Break Bad Habits
I have a terrible habit of scrolling through Instagram before I go to sleep.
Once I eventually put my phone down and turn off the lights, it seems like every night I think to myself “Alright Mike, starting tomorrow you’re not gonna scroll on your phone anymore,” and I’ll go to sleep thinking that I’ll wake up and the habit will magically disappear.
Funny how the following night I find myself scrolling through social media before bed again…
I get frustrated and think, “Well screw it, I tried the hardest I could and it didn’t work, so I guess I’ll be scrolling on my phone for the rest of my life.”
But why is this? Why is it that I am so motivated to break this bad habit one night, and then in only 24 hours I’m back to my old ways?
Even when I consciously use all my mental strength to put my phone down, it only lasts for a few days before I got back to my old ways.
The problem is that no one tells the full story.
Unfortunately (at least in my experience), these so-called ‘experts’ on breaking bad habits fail to communicate that willpower alone is not enough. It’s always ‘just keep trying, you’ll break them eventually’ or ‘you’re just not determined enough, you need to try harder,’ right? ‘
The narrative needs to change. Relying on willpower alone will just not cut it.
Breaking bad habits sucks, I know, but there are ways that we can break through the “I’ll try again tomorrow’s” and the “this time I’ll stick to it’s.”
Let’s check it out.
It’s just because I don’t try hard enough
Why is willpower limited?
Ever heard of the marshmallow test? Put a kid in a room with a marshmallow, and tell them if they don’t eat it then they can have another one, and leave them alone for a certain time.
Watch the countless videos on YouTube like this one and you can see that over time the temptation grows and grows, and most kids fail.
This phenomenon is coined as ‘ego depletion,’ which suggests willpower is a finite source that can be depleted over time.
Relying solely on willpower to resist temptation or break a habit becomes so mentally exhausting that the ability to make good decisions or maintain self-control goes out the window.
Even the strongest minds need to take a break.
Even Michael Phelps had to take a break sometimes (probably, I don’t know, that guy is a freak).
So what do we do when our minds are tired and we can no longer simply resist our bad habits? Let’s look at habit replacement as a strategy to kick those pesky habits to the curb.
What is habit replacement?
Your habits are your fault, whether you know it or not. You can’t simply tell yourself to not do something, as habits belong to habit loops. Each habit has a cue, routine, and reward; identifying what these are is the first step to breaking your bad habit.
Still following?
Let’s return to my habit of scrolling through my phone at night. In this case, my cue is putting my phone on charge when I get into bed, my routine is checking my messages before bed eventually leading into scrolling, and my reward is the dopamine from quick and eye-catching content.
Looking at the habit loop of my social media addiction, I can see that my habit starts when I plug my phone in to charge, and not necessarily checking my messages.
So we can see that simply resisting the temptation of checking my phone before bed is ineffective for getting rid of the habit because it doesn’t even start there!
Try this yourself: think of a bad habit in your life, and see if you can identify the cue, routine, and reward.
Have one or a few in mind as you read on.
Don’t just get rid of them, replace them.
The key to breaking your bad habits is finding the underlying drive for the habit and replacing it with a positive alternative. Instead of relying on your willpower to resist the habit, changing your practices reduces the constant need for self-control, making the whole process easier and less exhausting.
I thought to myself, ‘OK, my cue is charging my phone, but how do I get rid of that when I need my phone to be charged?’
Simple! I’ll charge my phone in another room.
Now I’ve created a new bedtime ritual that doesn’t involve me charging my phone in my room.
The next step is tackling the routine. I needed to find something to replace me being on my phone before I sleep. OK, how about I read for 15 minutes? It’ll give me something relaxing to do before bed and gets me away from my phone. And 15 minutes is not an extensive commitment.
Now for the reward. Although I won’t get the same dopamine hit from reading a book as I do from my phone, reading will make me more tired, therefore I’ll go to sleep earlier and have a better sleep at that too! Sounds like a pretty good reward to me.
So after what were only 5 minutes of sitting down and going over each stage of the ‘habit loop,’ I now have a rock-solid plan of how to replace my negative habit with a positive one.
Now I just have to start…
Take small steps
Don’t be so hard on yourself!
The habits you want to break could have formed over years and years, so don’t expect yourself to get over them in a day.
Start with baby steps and take it slow. If you want to stop snacking, don’t stop eating altogether, but reduce the size of the snacks instead (two crackers instead of three). If you find yourself procrastinating too much, don’t beat yourself up about slacking off for an hour or two, but set small 15–20 minute windows of focused work, and reward yourself by watching a movie!
I’m trying to say don’t try to tackle it all at once. Take incremental steps to success to make the process more manageable. As I said, breaking bad habits sucks.
But don’t just take my word for it. Put in the time to research how you can break your habit, and see what works for you. Everyone’s different, so set realistic expectations and you will see realistic results.
Make the journey easier for yourself
As you embark to get rid of your bad habits, track your progress. Whether you use a journal or habit-tracking apps, seeing a visual representation of your progress will help motivate you, but also make you accountable to stick to your process.
It’s all about consistency. Embrace this approach with persistence and patience. Set out goals, track your progress, build momentum, and you will succeed in breaking your bad habits. Habit replacement brings lasting change.
Thanks for reading!
