From your ambassador of awesomeness who is looking to earn smiles and hugs and laughs with his writing, and not interested in providing tools for you for my own personal gain or profits (although my kids really want those Hatch-a-moles!)
It’s nothing new in politics, celebrities have held public office for the past forty years. Arnold Schwarzenegger was the governor of California, Jesse “The Body/”The Mind” Ventura was the governor of Minnesota, Ronald Reagan was the president from 1980–1988 (for those who don’t remember history, he was an actor! Bedtime for Bonzo!!) and now we got perhaps the biggest celebrity of all taking over the White House soon. The former host of The Apprentice who took a stunner from Stone Cold Steve Austin at Wrestlemania and told Kevin McAllister how to find the front desk at a hotel in Home Alone 2. Ladies and gentleman, Donald Trump!
Over the past few days, it’s no secret that people are really pissed!!!! But instead of coming up with any solutions, we continue to air our gripes at the water cooler and via social media and are determined to protest. That’s cool, it’s our right as Americans and freedom of speech, baby! I think we are just going to have deal with this for four more years and continue to question our reality. So let’s spend time caring about our family and friends and the stuff that makes us happy. But we still need to come with a plan. So let’s look for a viable solution. Since we know creative and outside-the-box ideas go over like a fart in church in today’s landscape, I am going to offer a solution that I think works for everybody. I’m not reinventing the wheel here.
We sure aren’t ready for a woman president YET, or another African-American president as it’s been made known to us. So Hilary, Michelle Obama, Elizabeth Warren, Oprah Winfrey, and Anna Kendrick are out! We definitely love our celebrities, and whatever they tweet, we listen and reshare their comments with all of our friends. The republicans have done it over and over, but the Democrats haven’t done it yet. I’m nominating Tom Hanks right now for our next president for the Democratic party!! Our reality has been distorted by our new celebrity culture, so doesn’t this make perfect sense?
1) He has no experience, but he seems like a really nice guy. He takes photos with fans in Central Park, a lot of people I meet at fan conventions say he truly is a nice guy. He is friends with a lot of other celebrities. His movies have earned a lot of money and he won two Oscars in a row so he is a proven winner.
2) He appeals to everyone. For the hard-edged veterans who support our troops, Tom Hanks died in World War II in Saving Private Ryan. He wins the conservative vote who are on the fence with another four years of Trump based just on that.
3) He appeals to the LBGT community. Did we not have empathy for him in his Oscar-winning performance in Philadelphia?
4) He is great for the handicapped and mentally challenged. Just look at all of the cool things he was able to accomplish in Forrest Gump.
5) We need to build the economy and manufacture more toys in the United States. C’mon, Tom Hanks was the voice of one of the most beloved characters in film history, Toy Story. Our kids will actually care about our president (bonus points for Polar Express)
6) How about the liberal drug community? Tom Hanks had the greatest bachelor party in film history and even provided cocaine to a donkey in Bachelor Party. He is not beyond scandal like previous presidents before him such as Bill Clinton and JFK.
7) Tom Hanks appeals to all the kids at heart and was even able to make a wish on a Zoltar machine to be big, grew up overnight and experienced the corporate workplace in BIG. So he knows how to look at the world from two sides.
8) The women love him, he wins the female vote. I mean, c’mon, all girls love Sleepless In Seattle and You’ve Got Mail.
9) Disney appeals to everybody. The man knew what it was like to be Walt Disney as he portrayed him in Saving Mr. Banks. So, he understands business.
10) He knows how to manage a team. He did an amazing job managing a bunch of women ballplayers in A League Of Their Own.
Also don’t forget he was in love with a mermaid, was stuck on an island by himself for a long time and got off, went up into outer space, dealt with some bad neighbors, did police work with a dog, solved the Da Vinci Code, managed a popular one-hit wonder, and was Sully the U.S. Hero! Plus, he is 55 years+ and is your typical white Anglo-Saxon protestant male!!!
Don’t laugh, why can’t this happen? After what we have seen over the past ten years in which many people care more about famous people’s opinions and taking selfies with celebrities rather than being in communities with peers and using real cameras to document important personal events with their families, you are telling me this isn’t an option that works for everybody!!! He’s Tom Hanks, I’m sure he can figure this out. Who doesn’t want this??