How my first Trip to Africa challenged my self-identity and faith.

Mikia Carter
Jul 22, 2017 · 9 min read
Photo taken at Nakivale Refugee Camp in the Isingiro District of Southwest Uganda with children of Rwandan refugees.

On January 26th, 2013, for the very first time, my paths led me to Africa, more specifically Rwanda, “The Land of a Thousand Hills.” Anxious and wary about what I would encounter and the lessons I would come to learn on the SIT Post-Genocide and Restoration Study Abroad Program, I never expected my views to drastically transform in the way they did. Partly due to my clairvoyant nature and intuition, most of my expectations were met and tied both into my personal and academic experiences, positively and negatively. I remember on the very first day of the program being told that, “Rwanda can be the lens from which you connect with the global world and understand many political issues.” Reflecting upon this quote, it made me think of the many issues facing the world today. Like all social sciences connect, the political issues of today have social, economic, and cultural consequences. Studying in Rwanda has deepened my awareness of the many issues in the global sphere. From being constantly reminded of the color of my skin within the personal and academic atmosphere, and linking those experiences to how race and ethnicity played a major role in the Rwandan genocide, which led to a division of one people — who are of the same exact race. To examining my personal beliefs and having my faith strengthened, and at times weakened throughout the program, and drawing upon how religion and faith played its role in the Genocide. Not only that, but how faith strengthened its people in the aftermath. Resiliency of the people was reaffirmed and returned them back to their traditional roots of how communities are supposed to work, ‘Umuganda’. Umuganda means coming together in common purpose to achieve an outcome. Umuganda made me reflect on how our lives would be much better if we went back to the way things used to be, how Rwanda overcame their challenges using this model, and how they’re now building success in restoring what was traditionally theirs to begin with. These three key intellectual lessons struck me the most, making me more aware of the issues circulating the world today, and how my views have been transformed by them.

For me, just like everyone else, my race is something I identify with culturally and socially, even though it has been constructed and institutionally reproduced. It connects me to my ‘Afrikan’ culture and social aspects of life. It also makes me more able to adapt to and communicate with people of my own race who share similar values as me. I am a black woman, but throughout history of what has occurred in the western world, the melanin in my skin is a bit lighter. However, feeling less ‘Afrikan’ or ‘Black’, and at times being considered by Rwandans as being ‘metiz’, or ‘muzungu’ confused my understanding of the way many Black people understand each other, are ignorant about historical aspects regarding race. As I may appear to be mixed based on the color of my skin and texture of my hair, to be politically correct, neither of my parents are purely of white blood, nor my grandparents, or great grandparents, but are light skinned and dark skinned ‘Black’ people. In fact, at a time when Blacks were heavily discriminated against in my own country and did not play any part in governmental affairs as a British colony, it was my forefathers who paved the way to Independence, gained freedom from oppression, and led the country to majority rule. Whilst speaking to a few young Rwandans, the subject of race came up, and for the first time in my life besides being ridiculed by peers in primary and secondary school in The Bahamas for speaking ‘proper’, ‘white’ or ‘American’, and acting in a polite and quiet manner, I was considered a full blown white person. Appalled, shocked, and in many ways offended, I began questioning their reason and explaining historical aspects of race in the African diaspora. I am quite sure all Rwandans do not think this way, but generally as human beings, we love to compartmentalize things and put them into one box, even an incorrect box. We love stereotypes and have many pre-conceived notions about persons, places, or things. One of my goals for the future is to change that, and allow people to be seen for who they are and not what we want them to be.

Throughout my tenure in the program, the subject of race has been a major theme and affected my well being in so many different ways. From being out-casted by fellow ‘white’ peers in the program from the very beginning, disrespected by statements made within and out of the academic realm, and even implications being made to suggest I was inferior. By attending school in the USA, I’ve experience small doses of discrimination and knew that racism still existed, but didn’t expect its prevalence to surmount the positive feelings I felt when I first arrived in Rwanda. By being born and raised within a predominantly black nation, attending a predominantly black primary and secondary school, and a predominantly black college, I haven’t had much of a chance to build relationships with my Caucasian counterparts. Throughout my experiences, however, I gained wisdom and first-hand knowledge of the difficulties many people of color experience in the world today, which was permeated by what has occurred in the past. I even had the opportunity to put one of my favorite songs, “Black, Maybe” to use, which was created by one of my favorite rappers, “Lonnie Rashid Lynn Jr.”, also commonly known as Common (Conscious Hip Hop Artist & Actor). “Black Maybe” or “You, Black Maybe” is a phrase used to talk about situations of people of color and because you are that color, you endure obstacles and opposition, and not all the time from other nationalities. Sometimes it comes from your own kind, or even your own mind. You get judged. You get laughed at. You get looked at wrong. You get sighted for not being strong. The struggle of just being you, the struggle of just being us… ‘Black, Maybe’.

When comparing my experiences to the history of Rwanda and the events leading up to the Genocide, I am at awe. Up until the Belgians conquered Rwanda, Tutsi and Hutu were not ethnic groups, but different classes of people. Segregation then made its way into the picture whereas Hutus and Tutsis were classified by their appearance. Defining the characteristics of Hutu and Tutsi went even deeper when the Belgians decided to give Tutsis more favorable character traits than their Hutu counterparts, using Tutsis as their tool of power while they meddle away in the Land of Muzungus (Belgium). Needless to say, Tutsis allowed power to interfere with how they interact with one another, treat each other, and began to act as if they were superior to Hutus. Eventually, Hutus began to envy their Tutsi brothers and sisters. Tension built throughout the years and Tutsis finally realizing what the Belgians were doing wanted to seek independence and unify their nation. The Belgians, not accepting of this then transferred power into the hands of the Hutus. Hutus, after being deprived and unjustly treated in society wanted to seek revenge on the Tutsi people, without understanding that Tutsis were not their real enemies. People, desirous of power who hated a race of people, divided them, constructed and infused ethnic division ideologies into their minds, and turned them against their very own kind.

Today while both groups overcome the tragedy of events that led up to the Genocide, I think a lot about the notions of ethnicity and race, how they were constructed, and how we use imaginary borders to separate ourselves. It also made me link my personal experiences to what I’ve learned in class. Another lesson derived from my participation in the program involved Religion’s role in the genocide. Before the genocide and even up to this day, Rwanda remains a very religious country. Just like race and ethnicity was a major factor in the cause of the genocide, so was Christianity’s role. Tutsis were hoodwinked into thinking the church would have been a safe haven for them, until genocide perpetrators strategically hunted them down and methodically slaughtered them with machetes, grenades, guns, and other traditional weapons. While some priests and nuns tried to stop the killings, others initiated them. These lessons derived along with the countless discussions on religion in the program made me ponder on my own beliefs. Many genocide survivors struggled with their faith after seeing their friends and family being killed by their neighbors, friends and even family. Personally, my faith was even weakened and I began to question God’s purpose for these killings to have taken place. Were the Tutsis so bad of a people that God wanted them off the face of the earth? Is God even real? If He was, why did he allow such evil deeds to take place? Where was He during the Tutsi Genocide? I even struggled with my faith when I had been viciously attacked and ridiculed by a few classmates for my Christian beliefs. Trying my hardest to justify the reasons for my faith, I tried explaining to my peers that you cannot base faith and judge religion on what has happened in history, as it relates to Christianity. There is a divine purpose for every action in the world, no matter how good or bad that act is, and there are also hypocrites who claim to be Christian. There are good and bad people in this world, just like there are good and bad people who claim to be Christian. I even gave them a scenario on my personal life, stating that when I was born, the doctors reported that I had a hole in my heart and I was not going live. With my family’s faith and prayers, and with God having a divine purpose for my life, I am only here by His amazing grace. The doctors screened me another time and it was a miracle. Everything was perfectly fine with me. My story seemed to blow over their heads, but I couldn’t believe what happened thereafter.

Reflecting upon my own experiences, I can recall questioning the first Atheist I met in high school about his beliefs. Like I was ridiculed for my beliefs here by students, so was this young man I went to school with. Tables had now turned and I was in his shoes. Once again, I had been a minority (like I was in the USA), not by my skin color, but by my beliefs. It was refreshing to learn how some of them think, like their philosophies of Christianity being forced upon Rwandans, and Africans in general by colonialists. However, what resonated with me well was hearing the Chief of Gulu, Jeremiya Muttu tell the group that Christianity was not brought in by colonialists, but was always in Africa before they got here. (In fact, based on what’s contained in the Old Testament, one can make the argument that Africa was the place where it all began.) I was also happy to hear Pastor Antoine (Vice President of the National Unity and Reconciliation Committee and Chairman of Rwanda Leaders Fellowship) speak, and particularly happy when he responded to the question, “Where was God during the genocide?” He made the point that God is not a policeman, but he was a judge. What God gave us was free will, the freedom to make decisions in accordance to His teachings and the freedom to go against them. He does not patrol us and intervene when we are about to go against His will, but he will surely judge our deeds on judgment day.

Although Christianity can be blamed as a defining role in the genocide, and many survivors lost their faith as a result of it, faith has also been relevant in overcoming a lot of the survivors’ challenges. As a young woman, discovering, learning, and being exposed to the world, my views are constantly changing, and they certainly did being here in Rwanda. Although my faith had been weakened many times here in Rwanda, it was also strengthened. To see the strength and resiliency of survivors and learn how they recovered after years of conflict makes me believe that any problem in the world can be solved. Traditionally, in most places of the world, emphasis has always been on community, people living in harmony coming together, sharing and working together. However, as we grow into a technological dependent global society, ‘real communities of people living and working together harmoniously’ have become far-fetched. People aren’t communicating the way they used to and many societal issues stem from our community structures of today. Yet, Rwanda has seen remarkable success using this traditional value, and continues to inspire me by building on what was traditionally theirs to begin with. Overall, the lessons I have come to learn in and out of the classroom proved to be valuable and transformed my knowledge of the world. Embarking upon a new journey of life, I have embraced Rwandan culture wholeheartedly, and at the same time learned a lot more about myself throughout the process. Many of my expectations were met, along with experiencing cultural shock too. My awareness of self has grown even greater and I am now welcoming serendipity with open arms.

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Passionate and compassionate 20-something development professional. Champion for innovation and social impact. Enthusiast for food, travel, and culture.

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