How Are You Showing Up In Life?
My first couple of entries here on Medium.com have been touching on the topic of integrity. I often speak on topics of business and leadership and when it comes to integrity it involves both aspect for you personally as well as business-wise.
Since integrity really has much to do with the individual there’s no way for you not to take it personally.
You either have high standards and high integrity or you don’t. That also means your business either will have high standards of integrity or it won’t.
There’s little room here for a middle ground. You cannot be half-pregnant. You cannot say you have high integrity personally and then show very poor integrity in your business or in your business dealings. It’s either or.
As we move onwards to perhaps touch on other topics, I feel it only natural that we pose the question of: How Are You Showing Up In Life?
This is a large question and you can direct it towards all sorts of areas in your life and of your personal traits. It’s not really about your integrity, but it does seem to be a natural extension of it.
So let’s commence with a few further clarifying questions.
How Are You Showing Up In Life At Home? How do you show up for your loved ones, for your closest people, your spouse, your children or what the case may be for you?
Personally, and believe me, I’m not very proud of this, I have had a shorter fuse and not the best of tempers. I easily have been irritated even over minor things and also easily aggravated. For sure this shows up not least towards my most loved ones.
It’s typical that it’s the people we love the most that suffers the most too or that bears the brunt of our personal bad behavior.
My personal irritations lately have shown its ugly face and while I have a fairly good idea why this is and what the root cause of it is, it’s still no good that I do not manage to separate the cause and the irritation from this from others around me and especially from those I love the most.
But hey, I’m human. I have character flaws too sometimes. It’s not an excuse at all and I’m not making it my excuse. But it is a fact.
I’m aware of the concern and I’m trying to work on it. I believe at least it’s a start. I know I can pull through and “come out on the other side”. I know, cause I used to totally suck at these things and lived most of my formative life being a really miserable person who infused pest into the atmosphere especially to those closet to me.
That was until one day, I awoke from my limited mindset and realized, what a true waste of life that was, to live it in such a way.
Once it really sank in with me, I endeavored to make serious changes. It wasn’t easy and in the beginning I felt I was trying to live a pretend life with a pretend attitude.
I did everything and then some in my power and it wasn’t easy to change what was basically 35 years of bad habits and stupid personal attitude.
Ultimately, I succeeded, however. I came through and came out on the other side. Instead of continuing what used to be my taglines of “smile to the world — and the world laughs of you” and “life is hard”, I pulled through and instead “life became easy”.
I changed my negative emotional state and became generally happy and stronger in staying happy, even when things from time to time would go against me or challenge me.
Indeed, when things sometimes became a bit tough, I would just tell myself that I was just being tested.
And I was going to beat that test. No test was going to get the better of me.
How long did it take for me to change? 2 years!! Yes, 2 years of constant and continuous work using all kinds of avenues to make it happen.
But How Are You Showing Up?
Do you show up with mental surplus and calm demeanor and self control? Do you show up with vibrancy and energy? Are you charged and enthusiastic or do you show up lethargic and uninspired? Are you causing smiles and beauty in others or are you bringing others down?
If you are not happy with your answers, are you working towards solving the issues and changing your behaviors and your responses?
Self control and working on yourself is often a tough challenge. But rest assured that when you do and eventually when you succeed then everything else changes.
Usually, the results lie within you and only you can change things.
As much as we can get really ticked off with other individuals, we usually cannot change them or make them change. Indeed if you believe you can and try, you will invariably end up even more frustrated than you set out.
Change instead the way you see things and soon the way things are change.
It was the same with my emotions. Act the way you want to feel and soon you will feel the way you act.
In business and in professional situations, How Are You Showing Up?
Do you show amble mutual respect in your relationships and interactions there? Do you keep mutually respectful communication? Do you show up at your meeting in time and well prepared? Do you keep appointments and do you keep your agreements and promises?
Are you being professional and respecting the responsibilities you bear or that comes with the job or the position? If you expect to be compensated, are you over-delivering on value?
My current irritations have roots in certain individuals in my life that I’m doing business with in one form or another. Business dealings should be conducted with mutual respect as otherwise things will eventually not pan out well.
Lately, I feel these certain people have had a total lack of mutual respect. It’s not the respect towards me personally that I’m upset with, but really the lack of respect with the positions, the business dealings and the responsibilities involved that I get really upset with.
I do not wish to spell out the details here, but let’s just say that when you bear high responsibility and when you either have partners, shareholders, board of director members or other important interests to look after, then you had better live up to your responsibilities.
That means making yourself available in a timely fashion to the extent necessary in order to move things forward and in order to secure the best interest for the business, the partners, the shareholders as well as ultimately the employees.
It means treating your colleagues and peers with respect and ensuring they are informed to the extent that they should be privileged to.
It means respecting what is being said at the other side of the table and adjusting to a working relationship respectful of each individual and in respect to a strive towards the optimal achievements for the business.
Have you failed at this or parts of it, then realize it and adjust your behavior. If you don’t you are basically just underlining all the poor elements once more.
Ultimately, it shows everybody else involved who you really are. It tells much about you as a person, about your level of integrity, about your professional demeanor (in this case lack thereof) and also about your trustworthiness (again in this case lack thereof).
I believe to be a strong personal, a great professional and a person upholding high integrity, you have to be good at looking at things from all angles and perspectives. You have to be able to wear the hat for a moment of the person sitting at the other side of the table. You have to be good at walking several miles in the other person’s shoes.
I believe myself to be quite good at this. Trust me, I have gone through the motions with respect to these specific people and these specific and current issues. I have walked way too far in their shoes already and I know, I’m not the one who is off the decent course here.
That’s why I’m ticked off.
But that’s no excuse for being short tempered with others who are absolutely not to blame. It’s a poor self control when it influenced negatively in other areas of life and not least in relations with other innocent people.
Guess, I must do better. And I will. And I will be trying harder and try again and again and again. I will succeed.
With respect to the disrespectful and nonprofessionals, I ultimately may have to make new decisions for my life and my professional engagements with them. I may well have to absolve and disengage my businesses with them and part ways.
I realize that changing them won’t happen and since my levels of integrity and in business demeanor and business management do not agree with theirs, there’s hardly any possibility that these can be aligned nor work well ever.
More than likely, I will be able to some time in not too distant a future let you know that I resolved all the matters, moved on and now reap not only much improved results from it, but also landed a much happier person and with only positive outcomes for those around me too — not to say, eliminated the poor self control and the poor temper.
Now, in closing, if you recognize yourself, as one of these other nonprofessionals that I described above (no, I don’t necessarily mean “my non-professionals) specifically, but just these traits), then I can only encourage you to revisit with yourself your demeanor and the way you look at business and at your business dealings and relationships.
If I asked you, if you really wished to be such a person, I doubt you would ever say Yes to me.