Pokemon Go: A Very Short, Parody Story
This is fiction, and as such should be treated as such and not used as a source for someone’s real wacky theories about Pokemon Go! I find the whole phenomenon amusing, so why not have a conspiracy nut give a commentary on it, who is really getting overly invested in this app? If you actually want to know something about it, click here for the Vox article. Warning, there will be a lot of exclamation points, somewhat offensive content, and intentional bad spelling/grammar. Hopefully this first post will be the beginning of what I can offer to Medium.
Hey, Tom Robin here from WATCHINGTHEWATCHTOWER.org, and I need to tell you a shocking prophecy about the future of humanity as we know it! I believe that Nintendo is seeking to supersede reality, replacing it with a POKEMON REALITY, so we will fall in line with their critter driven ethos of trade, of love, and of LIFE ITSELF PEOPLE! We’ve had people start to gather into our local parks, our rivers and even OUR POLICE STATIONS to catch them, staring into the abyss of techno-idiocy! We’re not the Poke Masters. they are!!!
A couple days ago, a mega-conglomerate Japanese consumer electronics/software company decided to unleash a new dawn of terror and socialist destruction… the Age of Pokemon Go! It’s only the beginning, folks, it is when they start to hook us all in, getting sucked up into our phone screens, and then the world around us will be ALIEN! WE’LL BE unable to define a real gym from a pokie gym!!! I mean, come on people, you must have heard that they mixed up a private domicile with a church, a publich place for God to catch POKEMON. The POKIE GYM IS A CHURCH, DON’T YOU SEE THE CONNECTION! It might be converted into a house, but these Nintendo people know symbology, they know how to get to the core of our very souls! (See my part 4 out of 8 video about hidden symbols behidn Beyonce to learn how to really find the meanings, I know it’s four hours BUT IT IS IMPORTANT)
Pokemon, ‘fictional’ monsters that people decide to capture and make them battle to the death, teaching our kids that training animals for animal on animals violence is good (only man/woamn is allowed to for sustainability and sport), has now evolved in the age of augmented reality. From video games, to card games, to more video games, to films… they know what they’re doing for a while, and they know how they’ve got your brother, your sister, your children and MAYBE EVEN YOUR’E HUSBAND! DECADES OF INDOCTRINation for this moment!
Now, at the moment, Nintendo has complete control over the mass movement of many willing participants! Who knows what happens if we have to join in?! That to get to them, to actually talk to them, we have to do it with them, it’s like MySpace or faceBook, that we just feeding them our data, our movements that they will find out what we are like just by what monsters we pick up!!! Do you want them to know what monsters are in your closet!?
I hear ya, I hear ya, it’s just a game. I loved Smash Bros too! Me TOO! But would you follow a game off a cliff if you told you too? For a Pikachulu? Huh? Precisely!
I learned something even shocking, just shocking that Pokemon Go!, that the dirty bastards have surpassed the popularity of Tinder in a couple of days!!! I did meet my ex on there, and she turned into a bitch, but we know how much a cesspool of debauchery it is! BUT, we can say Pokemon Go! supersedes the need for humanity to procreate! I mean, come on, we’re becoming asexual lemmings!! They’ve got Japan with their low birthrate, but now they’ve got it for us, the world with thier environmental agenda to bring down the human race TO BE CONTROLLED AND THIS IS THEIR TOOL
(on Android, as you know Apple is the work of jackass bad juju promoters, so you shouldn’t have one if you reading this on the WATCHINGTHEWATCHTOWER.org!!!).
Soon, Nintendo decided to enact social chaos right from the beginning… that will only be the beginning. *TOM’S TRUTH ALERT* We’ve already got people finding dead bodies, just on a nice country walk around the local lake, people just fishing and everyone is nice as she was trying to get a water POKEMON, but what she finds instead, BROKEN DREAMS in the form of A DEAD BODY! She wouldn’t have found it if she went with her friends to the mall, or school or a lotsa other places… PEOPLE She went back to get a water Pokemon! This game is making us heartless!
We’ve got people are being robbed, being led into death-traps by scum, thank goodness people haven’t been killed for a Kirby. These people would set up the Pokemon in the middle of the woods, people just innocently wander in, and then they’ve got a twelve-gauge asking for all their money, the keys to their cars and goodness knows what else! TELL YOUR CHILDREN TO STOP PLAYING THAT GAME, THEY’RE MORE PRECIOUS THAN POKIE EGGS!!!
And People going into other people’s sanctums to get digital monsters! If you walk into my house, you’re gonna get a monster with my sawn off SHOTGUN, and I’ve removed the id markings and nobody is going to recognise ya face. We have to put a Pokie-Stop to this! People are walking into ditches, landmines, hospitals, prisons, Applebees, getting into a whole world of Hurt!
I know some guys built a drone to get these suckers, great engineers, but blam, I will shoot your drone and phone down, you’re not gettin’ nothing from my compound sucka nor access to my supplies! (Instead, go onto the website and you can order direct, and I can throw in a couple of Anti-Fluoride Orange-Flavored pills with the code POKEMON) The dedication they put into this game is only a sign of how bad this age has become, and it is only, very quickly going to get worse.
They’ve started to sow division between families, between communities! People have go to out into the world, and they have to catch these Pokemon, experience new environments but what about the kids they leave at home? Who will feed them? They’ve even formed communities of acolytes, that they all hold out their phones and mermer to each other about what they’ve got… what is going on people!!! Zombifcation that’s what! And they’ve had errors where they accidentally take over your google account! Phuh, we know what you’re doing, we know what you are doing…
What happened to good ol’ fashioned talking? I know the world is bad enough with all the enviro talk, the feminazis, and the election bringing out the true agenda they have for all of us, but we have to take it to them, not be pacified by childish imaginings! Put your phone away! Pokemon is not good!
That’s been me, Tom Robin from WATCHINGTHEWATCHTOWER.org, til tomorrow when I go through the secret messages that Cleopatra has been sending Beyonce through the annuls of time!
If you like the story, share it. We’ll not be returning to Tom Robin for sometime, because 1) I don’t have any stories about him aside from this one at the moment, and that writing about Beyonce having a portal to Cleopatra would be way too silly, and 2) I have far more exciting stuff in store, so watch this space. x
