Image for post
Image for post

Like anybody suffering broken-brain syndrome from being too online, I think about @dril a lot. The incomprehensibly funny Twitter account that defined and, let’s be honest, outlasted the rest of what we once called “Weird Twitter” has — through inhuman output, avant-garde insight and sheer longevity — become the platform’s reigning prophet. Just as Donald Trump can do or say almost nothing without being undermined by one of his old tweets, @dril’s pre-2016 archive is like a blueprint of all the horrors due to follow.

He knew in 2014, for example, that Ted Cruz would “like” a porn tweet on…


The answer lies somewhere between Tumblr meme culture and Howard Stern himself

Image for post
Image for post

Here at MEL, we never shy away from the hard stories. Whatever question you have about the male reproductive apparatusyours, mine, your boyfriend’s, the president’s — we want to supply the answers. Which is why it’s time to address a throbbing curiosity:

What is “Cocktober”?

On the most basic level, it’s all about the portmanteau. “Cocktober” is, by any metric, a cool, fun and satisfying thing to say. Try it! “Cocktober.” That’s good as hell. But this linguistic magic alone doesn’t quite explain the phenomenon. Cocktober is also, earnestly and emphatically, a celebration of cocks…


The deeper you dive into the Columbus fandom, the less anyone wants to contend with what actually transpired in the New World

Image for post
Image for post

Less than a week before it would have taken place, Pittsburgh’s Columbus Day Parade for 2018 was canceled. The event had been a tradition in Little Italy for more than 30 years. While some were chill with the cancellation, others were emphatically not. “The Italian community should be a palled [sic],” Terry, a car salesman, wrote on his Facebook page, adding: “Just more liberals trying to destroy our history.”

Another Facebook user going by “Dan Mc Grind” sarcastically inquired, “Oh did an accuser come forth saying their relative was molested by him in the 1600’s, scrolls passed through 5 generations,”…


Those endless shelves of chintzy crap are going to torpedo your cohabitative bliss

Image for post
Image for post

Every couple has its disagreements, and every couple is pushed to the brink by a few universal stressors: household budgets, airplane travel, in-laws, “the Holidays,” choosing where to eat and, perhaps worst of all, the dreaded apartment move. To uproot your shared life and relocate it 500 miles or even five blocks away takes a lot of money, logistical planning, dumb luck and sweaty labor; the two of you are virtually guaranteed to squabble about the approach to some aspect of it. I know because my partner, Maddie, and I just packed up all our shit and hauled it from…


Image for post
Image for post

You may recall that fans were somewhat divided over The Last Jedi, the eighth installment in the theoretically limitless main throughline of the cinematic universe known collectively as Star Wars. In fact, the hatred some nerds felt for the film was deeply pleasing for those like myself, especially as these fanboys spent months of their lives calling for a remake and tweeting empty threats about boycotting the franchise.

But as vocal as the seething detractors were, how many actually existed? What motivated their dedication to the cause of de-canonizing the movie? A new research paper, amazingly titled “Weaponizing the Haters…


Image for post
Image for post

Lots of common “irrational” fears look reasonable to me. Dying in a plane crash: terrifying. Poisonous snakes and spiders: Why wouldn’t you be afraid of them? Public speaking: Yeah, you might piss your pants in front of a hundred co-workers. Yet I cannot locate even a kernel of justification in my strangest of terrors — the humble moth.

Whatever trauma I suffered at the antennae of moths is lost to me now, but for as long as I can recall, the winged insects have haunted me. Where others might see nocturnal butterflies, I see insidious ghosts. I made a…


Kobe Bryant, Ben Roethlisberger and Jameis Winston have all experienced a much different fate than Harvey Weinstein, Louis C.K. and Leslie Moonves

Image for post
Image for post

Here’s a telling sports media cycle for you: In March 2016, Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ star quarterback Jameis Winston groped a female Uber driver. A year and a half later, when her account of the incident made headlines, Winston denied any wrongdoing, and the NFL announced that they would investigate. The league took eight months to conclude that he had assaulted the driver, opting to suspend him for three games as a result; Winston, along with a formal apology, gave a statement referring to his choice to grab a stranger’s crotch as a “learning experience.” This September, in the midst of…


Who is the Shots Guy? What does he want? And can he cool it with the Jose Cuervo?

Image for post
Image for post

No two drinkers are quite alike. I, for instance, imbibe heroic amounts of barely diluted vodka with great regularity, but I’m a proud beer pussy, and if I have to chug a couple of Smirnoff Ices in quick succession, I’m absolutely going to blow chunks. In generalizing with respect to people’s alcohol habits, you may ignore such subtleties.

Yet there exists a guy, a type of guy, known to everyone who enjoys a night at the bar with friends. This guy is alternately feared, respected, beloved and reviled. He can be your saving grace… or your ruin. …


Image for post
Image for post

A popular adage ascribed to more politicians than I care to count holds that ideology has much to do with age: “If you aren’t a liberal when you’re young, you have no heart, but if you aren’t a conservative in middle age, you have no head.” What’s the College Republican then to do?

Somehow speed up the process of reaching their flabby 40s.

There are divergent theories of how, for example, Sen. Ted Cruz can be younger than Gwen Stefani yet seem old enough to have been her high school algebra teacher. Some believe that the sheer…


I have just one question for this guy: the fuck?!

Image for post
Image for post

Please brace yourself for an ill-conceived proposal I will never understand, courtesy of Reddit and a bro who risked it all for no good reason:

Miles Klee

Author of the novel IVYLAND and the story collection TRUE FALSE: http://www.orbooks.com/miles-klee/

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store