Published in MEL Magazine·Oct 10, 2018How Dril Foretold the Collapse of Manand men — Like anybody suffering broken-brain syndrome from being too online, I think about @dril a lot. The incomprehensibly funny Twitter account that defined and, let’s be honest, outlasted the rest of what we once called “Weird Twitter” has — through inhuman output, avant-garde insight and sheer longevity — become the platform’s…Twitter5 min read
Published in MEL Magazine·Oct 8, 2018How Cocktober Became the Spookiest and Horniest Month of the YearThe answer lies somewhere between Tumblr meme culture and Howard Stern himself — Here at MEL, we never shy away from the hard stories. Whatever question you have about the male reproductive apparatus — yours, mine, your boyfriend’s, the president’s — we want to supply the answers. Which is why it’s time to address a throbbing curiosity: What is “Cocktober”? …Sex5 min read
Published in MEL Magazine·Oct 5, 2018Why Modern-Day Christopher Columbus Fans Wage a Yearly Culture WarThe deeper you dive into the Columbus fandom, the less anyone wants to contend with what actually transpired in the New World — Less than a week before it would have taken place, Pittsburgh’s Columbus Day Parade for 2018 was canceled. The event had been a tradition in Little Italy for more than 30 years. While some were chill with the cancellation, others were emphatically not. …History8 min read
Published in MEL Magazine·Oct 4, 2018It’s Target, Not Ikea, Where Happy Relationships Go to DieThose endless shelves of chintzy crap are going to torpedo your cohabitative bliss — Every couple has its disagreements, and every couple is pushed to the brink by a few universal stressors: household budgets, airplane travel, in-laws, “the Holidays,” choosing where to eat and, perhaps worst of all, the dreaded apartment move. To uproot your shared life and relocate it 500 miles or even…Travel5 min read
Published in MEL Magazine·Oct 3, 2018How a Russian Bot Shitting on ‘The Last Jedi’ Can Convince You to Vote Trumprussian bots — You may recall that fans were somewhat divided over The Last Jedi, the eighth installment in the theoretically limitless main throughline of the cinematic universe known collectively as Star Wars. …Star Wars5 min read
Published in MEL Magazine·Oct 3, 2018Moth Memes Helped Me Conquer an Irrational Fear of MothsMy impression of moths as gross, invasive or somehow evil was supplanted by the truth: They’re harmless and even kind of cute — Lots of common “irrational” fears look reasonable to me. Dying in a plane crash: terrifying. Poisonous snakes and spiders: Why wouldn’t you be afraid of them? Public speaking: Yeah, you might piss your pants in front of a hundred co-workers. …Fear5 min read
Published in MEL Magazine·Oct 2, 2018Why Do Athletes Keep Getting a #MeToo Pass?Kobe Bryant, Ben Roethlisberger and Jameis Winston have all experienced a much different fate than Harvey Weinstein, Louis C.K. and… — Here’s a telling sports media cycle for you: In March 2016, Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ star quarterback Jameis Winston groped a female Uber driver. A year and a half later, when her account of the incident made headlines, Winston denied any wrongdoing, and the NFL announced that they would investigate. The…Sports6 min read
Published in MEL Magazine·Sep 29, 2018Let’s Talk About That Guy Who Always Buys a Round of ShotsWho is the Shots Guy? What does he want? And can he cool it with the Jose Cuervo? — No two drinkers are quite alike. I, for instance, imbibe heroic amounts of barely diluted vodka with great regularity, but I’m a proud beer pussy, and if I have to chug a couple of Smirnoff Ices in quick succession, I’m absolutely going to blow chunks. …Alcohol5 min read
Published in MEL Magazine·Sep 29, 2018Why Do Young Republicans Look So Old?A popular adage ascribed to more politicians than I care to count holds that ideology has much to do with age: “If you aren’t a liberal… — A popular adage ascribed to more politicians than I care to count holds that ideology has much to do with age: “If you aren’t a liberal when you’re young, you have no heart, but if you aren’t a conservative in middle age, you have no head.” …Style5 min read
Published in MEL Magazine·Sep 28, 2018No, No, No, Reddit’s Viral Airplane Proposal Is a Terrible IdeaI have just one question for this guy: the fuck?! — Please brace yourself for an ill-conceived proposal I will never understand, courtesy of Reddit and a bro who risked it all for no good reason:Travel3 min read
