The election is rigged — here’s why

You know on TV, when a couple of kids stuff the homecoming queen ballot box with the name of a girl who gets bullied a lot, and she ends up winning? Sure, there may have been someone who deserved it more, or fit the “look” of homecoming queen better, but when the not-so-popular girl wins, breaking all social and societal norms, you just feel better inside.

Well lets say that Hilary Clinton gets bullied a lot, and Donald trump “looks like a president more” because, you know, he’s a rich, white male. And lets say that you and your friends hear a rumor that once Trump wins — Homecoming Queen or President, doesn’t really matter — once he wins he’s going to get rid of the competition, so he’s the last winner ever. Which leads to you assume either A) He’s paying off the Principal to end the contest, or B) He plans on destroying the world.

While he may look the part, you and your friends don’t feel as though he embodies a truthful, trustworthy homecoming queen you so feel your school deserves, so you stuff the ballot box.

Cheating? Yes.

Cheating for the greater good of your school, the future of the homecoming queen competition, and — in a presidential situation — all of man kind?

You’re damn right.

Trump continues to whine and moan about how rigged the election is. How Clinton gets the debate questions before hand, or how his mic is broken, or how — this one is quite ironic given my analogy — he literally believes people are going to “stuff the ballot boxes,” — digitally, of course.

But here’s where it gets interesting, as Mr. Trump and I kind of agree on one thing and one thing only. Not that the election will be rigged, but that it should be.

Think about it, is it more or less beneficial to our country if Hillary Clinton becomes President?

Pros: She’ll be the first female to kick her feet up in the oval office, making our generation definitively the most progressive one to date. She also, from what I can see, seems to have a pretty level head on her shoulders. I do not fear her sending the nuclear go-ahead simply because they ran out of her favorite shade of spray tan.

Cons: She may or may not have secretly communicated and withheld confidential information that may or may not have compromised the safety of Americans and American allies over seas. Personally, if the FBI can’t prove anything, I’m in no position to assume there’s anything to prove.

Now Mr. Trump — I apologize if this comes off as incredibly biased, but it is, so if you don’t like it, tough nugs.

Pros: He hasn’t murdered anyone. He can count to 10 using JUST his fingers — impressive, I know. And, I suppose he knows a thing or two about running a a doomed, fraudulent business — which is essentially what this country is.

Cons: He is in every way, shape, and form an orange, psychotic, and prejudiced child with no filter and no sense of decency.

So now let’s do the math, is America better off with possibly but probably not crooked Hillary, or a crazy man in a suit who somehow made it to the age of 70 without someone punching his teeth out?

Yes, the media probably favors Hillary, because they have everything to gain from her being elected. Not financially of course, because the coverage Trump brings is astronomically more profitable, but as human beings who have to continue to live and work in this country after the final vote is tallied.

Personally, I’ll be voting Mrs. Clinton — mostly for lack of a better option — but if you see someone with a wig and a mustache walking into the voting booth, it’s me, trying to make sure the bullied girl wins homecoming queen.