The Meaning of Life, in 3 Easy Steps.

I’ve been desperately searching for the last 10 months and yet I’ve now realised (because of an email) I’d been searching in the wrong place.

I ask almost everyone I meet to give me their take on the meaning of life, and Claire gave me an answer that moved me.

I’ve shared the email below so that anyone interested can read. I think it can help you to.

For anyone who knows me, I’ve spent 10 months transforming my life, (no alcohol, no dairy, no sugar, yoga, ultra running and intermittent fasting) trying desperately to find a happy place in my mind.

I started a podcast for myself which is a place for me to externalise my inner monologue. It helps me as I enjoy talking and opening up about life, and I find it both therapeutic and exciting. I meet countless new people because of it and I love that. Connections are the life blood of life.

I’ve now done #89 podcasts on the main JFDI channel but it’s three in particular that lead me to write this.

I don’t expect you to listen to the casts but their is a rough narrative that gets me to the email. I’ve outlined and linked to them below. What is powerful to me and I think can help you if you’re in a similar spot to me is Claire’s take on the meaning of life. As you’ll here from today’s cast I have reframed my thinking because of what she says to me.

Let’s roll.

#63 Craving Success

Here I talk about my journey, how my need for success had driven me for my whole working career. JFDI LINK

#87 Is It Ego?

Someone reaches out to me because of #63 to ask wether I thought my ego was what was driving me. This shocked me, I had never thought about ego (or thought I had one) but the more I questioned the more I suspected it might. JFDI LINK

#88 Does Awareness Increase the Issue?

My clairty (or supoosed clairity from all my health tweaks) is causing me issues. I had become completed overwhelmed with my search for meaning and started to question whether mental health awarenss was actually exacerbating my problem. Life was becoming increasing tiring as every moment was filled with the search. JFDI LINK

Mills,

I’ve been listening to your podcast over the last few days and I’m partway through today’s – I felt compelled to write you an email!

I feel like you’re missing the point.

The point of everything.

You sound like you’re running from everything. You’re not going to find it outside yourself. IT’S IN YOU. INSIDE.

Of all the things on your ‘TO DO’ list – the one thing that you haven’t committed to is meditation. That’s the thing I reckon you need. You need to be able to sit with yourself. YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE FIXED. And mindfulness isn’t something you have to ‘action’ with…in fact it’s about letting go and just letting things be.

You said this new lifestyle is bringing you clarity. You don’t sound like you have clarity this week. You sound the opposite.

Here’s what i reckon the meaning of life is in three easy steps. (Ha):

1. FREEDOM.

You can create your life because you can choose your mindset. You are so free that you can choose to be trapped – that’s what you sound like right now. You’re choosing entrapment and that’s what I reckon that bloke who emailed you about ego was on about. Ego is the mental chatter that runs through our head. Ego is like a dog that barks at everyone who walks past the house. The dog thinks he’s doing his job, He’s keeping you safe. He’s warning you of danger. Same with your ego. The more you shout at the dog to shut up – the louder he barks because he thinks you’re encouraging him. You have to soothe the dog and you have to soothe yourself. You’re ego is just your brain trying to protect you but you can tell it to calm down.

2. JOY

Getting a text from your best mate and it making your day. Chatting with Lisa at night in your garden. Climbing a mountain. Meeting new people. Haloing new businesses flourish. THIS IS JOY. Stop cutting off joy. Nobody cares if you eat between certain hours. This is not the measure of a human life. The measure of a human is being in the moment. Do you know how many people would LOVE to be walking into their kitchen and seeing their wife and celebrating their anniversary? Stop missing it!!!!! Joy is the sipping of your coffee. Your morning coffee gives you joy and you’ve quit it??? Whaaat??? Because of bacteria in your stomach??? What??

There is no end game. There is no end destination. it’s a bit like those die-hard religious fundamentalists who believe that time on planet earth is for suffering and driving stuff and then they’ll get their reward in heaven. YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO REACH A DESTINATION OF HAPPINESS. The cliche’s are true. IT’S THE JOURNEY!!!! Life is NOW.

It’s like going on a white water rafting expedition but just driving the mini bus down to the carpark at the end and waiting there because ultimately that’s the your final destination. THE POINT IS TO RIDE THE RIVER!!!! You will not find enlightenment in the carpark. I’m so wise ;)

You are putting all your energy into stuff that pisses you off. Energy into fighting stuff. Put it into joy instead. The war on terror, the war on drugs…does any of it work? No it just gets worse. The more resistance you put against stuff, the more you attract it into your life and intensify it. You talk about purity of your body BUT you are sounding like all your energy is negative. There’s no joy when you say those words and the vibe you give off is not of purity but of a repulsion to food that you consider impure. You sound like you’re scared of food.

3. EXPANSION

The universe is expanding. All the time. Always has been. The is the innate motion of the universe. It makes sense for us to follow this expansion in our growth. This is why we we are in tune with this vibration and we do something new it feels so good. A new season is good for the soul. The smell of coffee brewing first thing in the morning is great when you haven’t smelled coffee in a while. It’s all about newness/freshness/discovery and contrast. That’s why we’re searching. But it’s not necessarily about MORE. Not more stuff or more money (and i know you are the opposite of that greedy mentality so definitely don’t think i’m accusing you of that.) BUT expansions only feels good when you’re aligned with it. That’s why you sounded so pumped about the first run – you were aligned with it. You and the run were moving in the same direction of expansion and newness and discovery. Now you’re looking for something new…and that’s cool. in fact it’s essential. BUT if you’re battling against it with your energy then you’re not in alignment with it. So the fasting sounds like it’s trapping you. Why not ease into it? Take a more nuanced and feeling approach to it? This will not make you a failure. I know you like to be all or nothing but there’s a higher level of wisdom to listening to your body. It’s not a competition. Who are you competing with?? By the way i’m not kicking fasting – i think it’s a good thing.

So I reckon with this expansion thing – the more you look for things to align with and flow with, the more you attract things that make you happy.

I think the biggest and most rewarding thing you could do would be to sit with your thoughts and and let them run through your head without attaching to them or chasing them. And then if you can do that – let me know how, cos I’m shit at it!!! But it does get easier with practice. Stop chasing everything. The meaning of life is inside you and it has been there all along. You just have to line up with it.

You could go and sit with the monks…but the problem i realised when i tried to escape life was, ultimately wherever you go, you end up taking yourself with you! You’ll still be chasing the same thoughts but you’ll be miles from home and surrounded by monks. The monks are sitting still. They are not running away. They are not chasing. They are looking with in and quieting the noise and the voice in their heads.

Well…I’ve just read this back and i sound like a smug, bossy twat who thinks she knows it all. I don’t know if all and if i could apply all this to myself then that would be amazing. But one thing i am getting better at is soothing myself. Finding joy. FEELING good and THEN acting because that’s when you do your best work and be the best person to be around. Alignment before action. It’s the only way.

You’re so good at communicating, collaborating, bringing out the best in others and shining lights on ideas and experiences. This week you sound like you’ve switched that light off. Don’t build up a wall around yourself because although you’re trying to grow you’re actually limiting your expansion. You’re going against the motion of the universe and that’s why it feels painful and wrong.

You can tell me to fuck off but listening to you over the last few days has made me worried! So this is all meant with nothing but love and good vibes and I’m sending it because you helped me gain clarity when i was going round in circles and unable to let go of the past.

ok. BYE!

Claire

Post reading Claire’s email, I recorded this..

#89 The Power of Positive Thought

With one fell swoop I went from feeling down to feeling like I was back in control after all these months. Her meaning of life resonated and I made inediate changes JFDI LINK

Thanks Claire,

Lis is my best friend (and wife)

Mum! And me when I had(ish) hair

If you wanna talk, it’s mills@ustwo.com