This is a good piece that brings up some good points about the issues but I think the linked article should also be mandatory reading for anyone else who agrees with your title.
Definitely it’s from a different perspective but she hits all the same points. Anecdotally I’ve known plenty of real, “cool tech girls” whose experiences as reported seemed to fall on a spectrum between your two extremes.
Sexism is real and bad and must be dealt with but scaring women away from tech by similarly claiming your experience is universal is only going to make things worse. Nerds who want to learn how to act properly around females need exposure to learn & be taught. A lot of us had minimally involved mothers and zero or few female friends growing up. “The myth of the sexist software developer.”
I can’t say it won’t be hard because at the very least tech is hard already! Have faith though that the merit of good ideas and performance is real and can be stood upon. The real ones out there on both sides will stand with you.