You Are Never Ready to Have Kids
Which doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have them. Or should
I made my son a buzz cut. I’m not crazy to take him to the hairstylist amid the pandemic, so I tried a hair trimmer. He looks like a member of the Hare Krishna. He is destroying a duct tape. This morning he ruined the blinds. Dear little pest.
My daughter is playing with her pink dog. She broke her glasses, poor soul. Who is going to fix them now? It’s a 3-day curfew.
I remember the maternity ward. I had just left the intensive care unit when the doctor told me:
“You are ready to leave now.“
I thought: What? But where? What am I going to do with these two babies all by myself?!
I never wanted twins. I felt too old and tired. I didn’t know how to breastfeed or change diapers. They had skinny legs. I was so anemic I got tired by the end of the hospital corridor.
I didn’t love them the moment I saw them. For months I took a handful of medication and slept for 2 hours. I would start when I heard them cry. We were washing baby bottles all the time. I lost myself in the Facebook newsfeed. For years I used all the help I could get. It was draining.
I enjoyed seeing them sleep. I still do.
