Supreme Court Rules that It’s Unconstitutional for Black People to Wipe Away White Tears

WASHINGTON, DC — In a unprecedented 8–1 vote, the Supreme Court has delivered a fatal blow to discussions and arguments about racism and privilege on social media and dinner tables across America. Chief Justice Roberts confirmed it through his Hotmail account,”We feel that this will just end the stupid shit online, you know.”

President Trump weighed in 89 seconds, after the ruling was publicized, on Twitter with this tweet: “Definitely a black-Mexican conspiracy going on in the Supreme Court, bad people, seriously!” He also threatened to fire all the “racist” Supreme Court Justices.

Chief Justice Roberts tried to calm down the Twitter war by posting a Snapchat of his pasty white ass. When challenged to explain since 8 are white, including the Chief Justice, Trump said that it was too early to tell how white they really were.

Several prominent African-American voices expressed their relief and jubilation at the ruling. Killer Mike called it “better than Richard Spencer getting a live lobotomy” via a telephone interview, while Ta-Neishi Coates explained that this would definitely bring on the White Guilt Apocalypse.