I’ve become so used to giving up when things aren’t perfect. I become incredibly anxious and can talk myself out of doing anything. I’ve been in college for about 8 years and counting.I had a breakdown in my first year of college and have been trying to recover ever since. I was always a very huge perfectionist (valedictorian in high school and went to a top university), and I’ve developed this horrible habit of giving up when things aren’t just the way I want them to be. I get insanely anxious, and I talk myself out of finishing classes, going to midterms/final exams, relationships, and the list goes on and on.I know that it’s a terrible habit to have, and I know that things aren’t always going to be perfect or exactly the way I imagined them to be.. but I should persist through them and do the best that I can. But when I’m in a situation where I’m terribly behind in a class, I become paralyzed with anxiety and fear that there is too much to do to catch up that I won’t be able to learn everything at the pace that I want.. or that I’ll have to cut corners to get to the material I’ll be tested on (and therefore, not really learn the content of the course, but just get the letter grade/pass–feel like a fraud).I suppose, there is just a huge influx of anxiety when things aren’t exactly the way that I want them to be, and I become overwhelmed and give up even before I try/start/attempt anything. This has been 8 years of my life.. and I keep digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole by running away from everything (things I inevitably have to face) I fear that isn’t perfect. I need help. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist, but this is something that I’ve never been able to make better about myself. I have the knowledge I need (I think…maybe there’s something else I’m missing), but when it comes to putting it into practice my body just freezes and my mind starts racing and coming up with every excuse and fear and scary thought to making sure I give up and avoid whatever situation is causing me this anxiety. Because I run from anything when it gets scary, my threshold for being able to handle and tolerate anything keeps getting weaker and weaker. It’s always hardest the first time… now it’s easy to run from and avoid anything, even if it bothers me only a little. This is the scariest part about it.Any advice would be appreciated, even if it’s a word of encouragement. Thank you so much. View more about Self Improvement at: http://ift.tt/1RjIRx9
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