Wow Tyler, cheers to you for opening up here. It’s been a bit since you posted this, and I hope this comment finds you still sober. If not, don’t beat yourself up too much. You’re not a failure. I don’t like to “diagnose” someone like this, but it sounds like you’re alcoholic. And if that is the case, then no, drinking won’t work for you. As an alcoholic myself, I know what it feels like to want that “one” drink and have it end up being an all night gig, ending up blacked out and passed out. It was a tough pill for me to swallow.

Sobriety is hard, yes. But it’s also hugely rewarding. That first year for me was the hardest. Feeling feelings that I wasn’t used to. Living life on life’s terms. But, I stuck with it, surrounded myself with loving people who had been where I had been, and joined a 12 Step support group. 2 1/2 years in and my life is completely different. I’m happy today and those feelings are ant hills compared to the mountains they used to be.

That’s what worked for me. It may not work for you, but that’s the awesome thing about recovery. You can try anything and find your own way. The way that works for you. There are so many possibilities out there. You just have to have an open mind and the willingness to try.

If I could suggest one thing as a must, it would be to find a mentor/ sponsor type person. Someone who is sober (at least a year or more), and be open with them. Someone to go to when you have troubles or something on your mind. It helps a lot. Other than that, do what is right for you. And again, thanks for posting.