ONE MORE ROUND
-Hey, Mindy. Good morning.
-No. Go away.
-Don’t be rude. I know you missed me.
-Leave me alone.
-I’ll just sit right here on the corner of the bed. You won’t even know I’m here.
-Okay. Fine.
-Cool.
-…
-…
-I see you trying to sneak up on me in the mirror. Sit back down.
-Please, please, please Mindy can we hang out? Let’s drink a bottle of wine.
-No.
-Let’s cancel plans on someone.
-No.
-Let’s watch a sad movie on Netflix.
-What movie? I mean, no.
-I think you have the flu.
-I don’t have the flu.
-But you feel achy, don’t you?
-Yeah but — I do feel a little bit achy today.
-It was that kid on the F train who sneezed near you. Cancel your plans you have the flu. Here’s our thermometer. Take our temperature. Do we have Advil? Do we have wine? I’m cueing up Stepmom. We’ll watch it twice.
-Okay. Wait no. Yes. Let’s watch it. No. Listen I wish I could, but I can’t.
-I couldn’t find any tissues so I grabbed a roll of toilet paper from the bathroom. We might have to buy the movie on Amazon. Do we have prime? Let’s go to Oprah’s Pinterest first to prep.
-Get. Out.
-Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll sit. Look. I’m sitting. I’m sitting right here if you need me.
-Just stop talking.
-Will do.
- …
- …
- …
-Psssst. Hey.
- …
-Heeeey.
- …
- HEY, GIRL, HEY!
-What? What do you want?
-Remember when we cried in the kosher food aisle at the grocery store on Smith street?
-Yes. I remember.
-Didn’t that feel good?
-Yes. No. I guess. We needed to cry.
-How about that time we ran into that friend waiting in line for a brunch table at Café Laluc and we full out sobbed when she asked us, “what’s new?”
-I remember.
-I feel like we could sob right now.
-You do?
-Yeah. Right?
-I guess so. I guess we could, yeah.
-Oh I almost forgot about our panic attack at that beautiful wedding upstate.
-My Spanx were too tight.
-We still couldn’t breathe even after you threw them in the sanitary napkin receptacle.
-I should have sold them on ebay.
-Remember when we decided to not get out of bed for three weeks?
-We didn’t decide. You were being obnoxious.
-And then remember when we broke out in pussy stress cysts that we picked to bloody infection while we watched hours upon hours of cupcake making competition marathons on the Food Network?
-I need to finish getting ready.
-And then remember when we had to fart and we thought it was something more, but we just stayed in bed and took the risk?
-It was just a fart.
-You almost shit your pants, awake in bed, out of indifference.
-We almost —
-And you didn’t even care. You don’t even care. You’re so disgusting.
-I did care. I knew I should care. I do care.
-You’re disgusting. You’re selfish.
-We’re not —
-You look like crap. You feel like crap.
-I look like crap?
-Nobody should be around us. Nobody needs us. Nobody wants us. Nobody will miss us. Let’s get under these covers.
-Stop talking.
-What kind of selfish, stupid, terrible daughter stays in New York to do unpaid stand-up in the back of bars while her mother is dying?
-Stop it.
-You weren’t there for her.
-She told me not to come, she said —
-You should have moved home.
-We didn’t know how long, we thought, dad told us, it didn’t seem —
-You let her down. You let people down. You don’t deserve to do something fun today while I miss her.
-I miss her too.
-You don’t miss her. You never act like you miss her. You never cry as much. You don’t talk about her as much. You don’t write about her as much.
-I miss her too.
-I miss her so much I can’t breathe. Don’t you miss her so much you can’t breathe?
-No. Yes. No. Stop crying. Take a deep breath with me.
-Mom died. Mom is dead.
-I know. Please go away.
-Mom died. Mom’s dead. Mom died. Mom’s dead.
-Stop it.
-Dead dead dead. Dead dead dead. Dead dead dead. Dead dead dead. Dead dead dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
-SHUT UP.
-What did she sound like? What did she smell like? What did she look like? What did she feel like? Do you remember? Do you even remember? YES! I love crying with you. Doesn’t this feel good? Here’s some toilet paper, blow your nose. Wow. Look at you. You look terrible. You’re so gross. You’re so weak. You’re sobbing in your bedroom after all this time? What is wrong with you? You’re so pathetic. Hey. Hey! What are you doing?
-I’m breathing.
-No we can’t breathe. We’re not done crying.
-Let’s take a deep breath.
-No. We can’t. We can’t take a deep breath. We can’t breathe. You never had a poignant goodbye. You never woke up at the crack of dawn and rode horses together with your mom and now you never will.
-I know. I know. We never rode horses together. We never rode horses together and now it’s too late. Wait. We don’t ride horses. We’re not a horse riding family. That was a movie.
-Yeah but she’s still dead and we can’t breathe, right?
-I accept it.
-What are you doing?
-I am grateful.
-Nooooo. You’re ruining our day.
-I am here.
-You’re totally ruining my day.
-I am healthy.
-I am leaving.
-I am breathing.
-Unless you want me to stay?
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-Did you hear me?
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-Fine. I’ll leave.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-Happy Mother’s Day, Mindy.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I’ll see you next time.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-I accept it. I am grateful. I am here. I am healthy. I am breathing.
-We accept it.
-We are grateful.
-We are here.
-We are healthy.
-We are breathing.
