I’m not good enough.

This morning I, along with our team, will lead worship for our community of believers. Like every Sunday, I’m not sure how it will actually turn out. Every Sunday I seem to struggle with not 100% knowing if our worship experience will be impactful or if it will flop. I believe in some form or fashion every worship leader deals with this. We sometimes overanalyze our worship lists, we struggle to get the musicians where we want them in terms of transitions etc., and at all times there’s an internal conflict of, “should I even be up here?”
In 2013 my oldest son Alexander was born. He was born with a very rare genetic disorder known as a micro deletion. Basically, he is missing a part of one of his chromosomes. I can remember one moment in my life where I had to just ask God, “Why?” And it wasn’t a “why did this happen to Alexander?”, (that was a couple of years before this why.) This “why” was “why was Alexander given to me?” I was sitting there thinking of all the reasons I shouldn’t be his Father. I’m impatient, I lack empathy, I struggle to see from Alexanders perspective, and the list goes on and on. I remember hearing the Lord and He said, “I’ve chosen you to be his father, because despite your impatience and lack of empathy, I know you will LOVE Alexander with everything IN you.” I sat back and my only response was to cry. In that moment, everything I felt disqualified me to be Alexanders dad was irrelevant because I LOVE him so much.
In your worship, it’s not about how good it sounds, it’s not about your song lists, and to get this out of the way, it’s NOT even about you! Worship should come from a place of intimacy with the Father, and more importantly it should come from the LOVE you’ve found in Him. I always say it like this, if you fully understand what God did for you in sending Jesus to earth your only reciprocated response is to worship Him with everything, and not worry about adequacy.