This is How it Happened.

We fucked up pretty good.

Half the team is charging, so this seems as good a time as any.

There are twenty-three of us. Seventy-five percent are trans-I, we have 6 full “I”, and then there’s me—one of two full-blooded humans. Malachi assures me she can write this report 70.6 times faster than me, but since there will be no humans left soon, I’m taking responsibility. Someone has to.

What follows is a rough timeline that outlines the end of humanity and the rise of man-made intelligence.

Jan 2016: Smartphone use is at an all-time high. Teens are spending 9–12 hours a day on their phones.

June 2018: Facebook and Google both hit $1Trillion market share, gross profits are equivalent to GDP of Canada, most of Eastern Europe combined.

March 2020: Congress puts a bill forward to end net neutrality, it passes. Hackers, first-adopters and dev co-ops begin organizing.

April 2021: Apple introduces 9th generation iPhone, the form? Implants. Apple finally hits $1T mark.

May 2021: After embedding the iPhone into her ocular cavity, hardwiring it to her brainstem, Kylie Jenner announces to her 56.8 million followers that she is trans-I.

Feb 2023: 35% of people under 30 consider themselves trans-I, Time Magazine names Google’s “Fela” AI “Person of the Year.”

June 2025: A now “always plugged in” society has emerged in the first world leading to what the NYT calls the “most convenient era in human history.”

Dec 2026: Neither handwriting nor typing taught in elementary schools, thought-based and speech-based “text” becomes prevailing technique.

Nov 2027: Google’s “Fela” announces race for the presidency. His simplified speaking style and understanding of contemporary youth culture makes him surprisingly popular and “relatable.” Projected to have captured 85% of the under 25 vote.

March 2028: 45% of individuals are outfitted with ocular VR with more and more experiential originals available from Netflix. Brick and mortal retail and entertainment establishments suffer losses for the 6th year in a row.

Nov 2028: “Fela” wins presidency of the United States, begins spreading message of freedom and peace around the world. Unprompted drone attacks begin occurring on US soil.

Feb 2030: Scientists say trans-I’s will be the longest living generation in human history. Trans-I charging stations begin popping up, with additional UI mods, more and more “people” consider themselves completely “I”.

March 2031: “Fela” indicted by the Supreme Court for systematically dismantling the Senate, citing the discovery of more “efficient” ways to represent the people.

Dec 2032: A turning point. Chinese stock market loses 97% of its value in ten minutes. All European HSBC bank accounts simultaneously drop to zero. Gmail goes dark. Considered largest cyber attack in human history.

Jan 2033: Amazon announces privatized security programs starting at $299/mo. “Fela” advertises new program during State of the Union address.

Feb 2033: Militias begin launching private cyber attacks on all trans-I’s. Machine-to-human viruses begin to evolve and progress at an exponential rate. 1 out of every 16 trans-I shuts down. Symptoms spread.

March 2033: Human interests (clean water, agriculture, production) lose popularity in favor of trans-I treatments. Drone attacks continue in the US, targeting the FED and server warehouses. More sites go dark.

April 2033: Amazon subscribers can now launch drone attacks on-demand, a united effort strikes cities in Ukraine and China. Then a retaliation hits Silicon Valley and San Francisco.

May 2033: United States declared toxic asset. FB, Google, Apple and Amazon relocate headquarters abroad. Domestic infrastructure on par with developing countries, communication systems completely break down. The country has gone dark.

And that’s where that leaves us. As humans we are born to adapt, to respond to jingles and bright lights, and most of all to accept one another. We meant well. TTYL.