Monogamy kills desire, especially for women.
Love lasts, desire doesn’t.
Faye Calloway

I tend to agree with this — as a woman who is 47 and on her 3rd long term relationship — with many short-term relationships scattered around. I’ve been divorced twice, both times for that exact reason — loss of desire. (No kids btw — which definitely makes it easier to leave).

This third relationship feels different, in that he is, in some ways, not as available to me as the others were. I’m not sure if the balance of power (or love) is different, in that maybe I am on the losing side this time. Or if it is just that he is also in love with his guitar and singing and his band and that I can’t have as much of him as I want… So maybe Esther Perel is correct — I can’t have all of him so I want him. Having said that, it’s only been 3.5 years (though I can remember the waning of desire in as little as a year or two with the others), so only time will tell…

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