you are:
THE STORY
The classic red lips, catchy breakup songs, and eye-capturing stage presence — that is all what describe Taylor Swift, my role model since the third grade.
It all started with my friend inviting me to a Taylor Swift concert in 2013. Though I had only heard her name before, I nonetheless accepted my friend’s offer to go to my very first concert. And from there, from listening to her hits You Belong With Me to We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, to her fan favorites, All Too Well, it was inevitable for me to become a diehard Taylor Swift fan.
12-year-old me was in love with Taylor Swift. I had posters of her in my room and even began to wear red lipstick to just be like her. Though it was a simple, innocent fangirl phase of mine growing up, listening to Taylor Swift developed some parts to my identity, both in positive and negative ways.
“You are whitewashed.”
This was the first, rawest comment I ever received. And, it was the negative part about being known as a fangirl. In my high school, I was known as the “Taylor Swift girl” and I never felt a stigma behind the nickname. I was happy, even proud, to be known as a fangirl, as there was nothing wrong with being a fan of someone. However, the comment that I was whitewashed — a derogative term implying that I have abandoned my ethnic culture for white culture — changed my perspective on everything around me, from music to food to friends.
I wondered if people viewed me as “whitewashed” whenever I said my favorite artist. Would they think that I abandoned my culture? I wondered what the right answer was, and if, instead, I had said any Asian artist, they would have accepted my taste in music.
This led to me ponder about my life and how I was viewed by others growing up. Maybe I was “whitewashed”. Even if I was, it was naturally brought into my life, as I had grown up in a predominately white community. It was inevitable for me to adopt a similar lifestyle, but I would never call my own self whitewashed. I was raised with Korean values and traditions, and my favorite singer just happened to be white.
This idea of being white-washed prompts me to think about how many youth of color are called this derogatory term. Though it is easy to just place the blame on the “whitewashed” for “forgetting” about their culture, the root of this problem stems from the expectations that society has placed on people of color. Even in our history textbooks, it was stated that people of color needed to assimilate for their own survival. Otherwise, they would become outcasts. This explains how in many POC households children are often not exposed to the language or traditions of their heritage by their parents in hopes for the children to easily fit in with the surrounding white community. White people created their own expectations for people of color to live up to, and it somehow became the norm for youths of color to assimilate. Not all of this was done deliberately, but the term “whitewashed” nonetheless reinforces the white superiority complex that is so deeply rooted in history and our mindsets.
Considering my own background and thoughts about this derogatory term, I choose to reclaim this title. I grew up in a Korean household, exposed to lots of traditions and values, and simultaneously grew up within a larger white community. I am the one who gets to choose my cultural identity, not individuals who do not know who I am, nor my background.
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7qKVq97QxEu2klHdnSbAi3?si=5aba0f34535b4d00
THE PLAYLIST
For my whole life, I have been defined by the music I listen to. While I have formed many of the strongest friendships I have today because of music, the idea that people have created of me from who I listen to has severely impacted how I view myself.
In this playlist, you are:, I compiled some of my favorite songs from artists who happen to be white. These are the artists specifically that have contributed to my so-called “white-washedness”. Taylor Swift, Sabrina Carpenter, and Shawn Mendes are just a few to name.
The songs in this playlist provide me a sense of nostalgia, as I grew up listening to these songs and artists. From being performed live to in the studio, these songs reflect a certain aspect of myself that had been critiqued and analyzed for time.
Considering the fact that I am reclaiming how I am viewed, I reject being called “whitewashed”, and this playlist represents that. I can both be very deeply rooted into my culture while listening to white artists. This playlist demonstrates both the passive self I once was, being called “whitewashed” and letting people define who I am, as well as the self-deciding person I now am, not allowing anyone to decide who I am and can be.
next chapter: with reconnection
https://medium.com/@minm_72572/with-reconnection-e9944a11aef0