1. It’s Okay to not be okay.
I realised that every time I have a side project, I tend to stop. For example, writing about nutrition. I get caught up with all the minute details, and the hours of research it takes for me to write a good piece. I committed myself to churn out an article once a week.
Maybe a better word instead of commit would be ‘forced’. Because after a while it wasn’t enjoyable anymore and I just stopped writing completely.
Why is the practice, the process, the time spent on the craft such a burden? Shouldn’t it be at least someone enjoyable and a form of relieve?
I realised that everyone is stressed and tired too. But we don’t show it to anyone — we go around our lives with smiles and laughter and winging it till we land our beds, completely exhausted and getting ready to fight another war the next day.
And because usually no one outright shows it in terms of breaking down irl or doing something crazy unless things get real bad, no one else realises. Until it’s too late. And then we say something along the lines of, “I should have noticed. I should have asked. I should have cared.”
I look around myself and the people around me and I wonder why does everyone look so happy and smiley all the time. Are they not human? Why don’t they feel as upset / stressed / tired as me?
Perhaps one reason why we don’t express our thoughts when we’re upset / stressed / tired is because of social conventions. No one likes hanging around a constantly negative person. Or perhaps complaining about life makes us perceive ourselves as weak. But the truth is that by keeping all these dark thoughts pent-up in our minds and hearts, it starts to poison us from within. Even when you don’t show it, you feel so downtrodden, and wonder if anyone really cares? Are your friends even real?
I feel like a lot of people resonate with these thoughts. Because I shared a similar post on a college confessions page and there were quite a number of comments, likes and someone else even shared it. Not saying that I desired any form of social media metric as a form of success validation, because I truly wrote that post when I was feeling so down and alone and had no one else to confide in except a college confessions page.
I’m going to try out a writing side project called It’s Okay. Because I believe that all these thoughts are normal. And because I strongly empathise with this. I know how it feels to feel so alone like no one in the world cares, it feels horrible and I don’t want anyone to feel the same way.
I hope this is something that I can keep up with without feeling like it’s an immense burden on myself. :) But at the same time, if I don’t manage to keep up with it — i’m letting myself in advance know that IT’S OKAY. It’s Okay to not continue with a side project because it’s not enjoyable. Side projects should be fun and make you happy and excited! Everything has to start somewhere and I believe that through my writing, if someone else can feel better and feel less alone, then I’ve achieved my goal.