The Real Reason Why You Crave Connection with People
What does it mean to connect with someone?
Have you ever asked yourself that question? It’s so trendy now. Endless YouTube videos are published every minute yielding titles like “How to Connect with Anyone”.
But what the hell does that mean!?
Let’s figure it out.
If you’re looking for connection, how do you know when the “connection” has taken place? You could maybe think that your potential friend’s behaviour is gonna determine that.
So what would that behaviour be like? If he engages in conversation with you, compliments on your style, wishes you happy birthday on Facebook, likes your pictures on Instagram…
That sounds like someone who just likes you.
Let’s take celebrities as an example. What is it that their fans like and admire about them? The image of those celebrities, their personality, what they say, how they dress, how they look, what they do or don’t do. All that makes an image of a person. Still, as it happens with celebrities, you can like a person that you have never met.
That doesn’t sound like connection at all.
When you like someone, you’re projecting your egotistical values on them. Your ego sees in them a similar configuration to its own.
And that makes you feel good.
You probably feel compelled to screen for people with your same hobbies, interests or opinions. You want to get to know them and look for that moment when one of you says:
“Really? I love pizza too!!”
What happens then? A feeling of safety appears, you just met someone like you.
But safety to do what? That safety encourages you to have no filters because you’re pretty sure that anything that you do or say is gonna be accepted by your fellow pizza lover. Safety to be authentic!
You can finally be honest, truthful and sincere. You can finally be yourself.
So we got it! To connect means to create space to be open, honest, vulnerable.
Which is exactly the opposite of what the ego is constantly trying to do! Did you know that the ego and fear are business partners? The ego‘s job is to keep you from saying that you actually like pineapple in your pizza while fear plays a movie in your mind featuring the other person hating you and your taste.
What happens when they succeed and you don’t speak your mind? Separation, distance.
There’s no connection without taking the risk of being disliked. If you take the risk of being open, honest and vulnerable the pinneaple hater will respect you and he will realise that it’s okay to be authentic and open around you.
Now, if you wanna keep using your ego to find only people with your same personality to connect with, good luck with that. You probably wouldn’t be reading this post if that worked.
The connection goddess doesn’t care about personalities. She only manifests when the choice to be open, honest and vulnerable is made. Trying to summon it by sticking up to the personality commandments sent by the ego is pretty much useless.