My past hunted me day and night like the spirit of the dead hunting its murderer.Day and night passed,seasons came and are gone.My eyelids found no sleep because I couldn’t bear it,the pain of my past held me down,prevented me from seeing the joy that came with dawn each passing day;all I saw was the horror of my past .
I couldn’t bear the shame anymore.It had turned into a horror game that I couldn’t continue playing of which I don’t even stand the chance at all even if I said I would like to have a break from it,it was the battle for my soul.
The shame has eaten me up that I don’t think I cam stand the stage of fame anymore.It was like everyone had known my secrete because anyone I told eventually left me even though I didn’t practice or even harm them,they just left .
I was never convinced at all in my mind whenever I was in this act,I feel guilty always but the deed had already been done,”I couldn’t cry over spilled milk “.
I got frustrated that I had to forget about making new friends and those I thought I had left me one by one just as everyday was passing by in the calendar of the year. Now I had to face the world on my own.
Oh! How I wish I didn’t take that bite I was given ,’that day’.
My thoughts held me back,I couldn’t move any further.Depression set in,it was like the wold was pointing its finger at me and all eyes were on me.Finally I decided the only solution was to remain hidden from the spot light,but I all most died trying to remain hidden.
I was steaming hot I didn’t know what step to take next, I just couldn’t take this anymore committing suicide was not an option at all.
I just decided to remain hidden but while I was in the secrete I never knew someone kept watch of my state and decided to me into being a friend of which I gave in,I must say it was an automatic change for me.
The words spoken by my new found friend beautified the new way I had found,this showed me the other face of life and the words were thus”there is hope dear,its not the end.A new life had begun and I was reborn into another kingdom where we all are royalties and in this kingdom believing in the Son who died was all you needed to become royal.My new found kingdom was one of a kind of which I am still learning the rules guiding the kingdom.
Believing was another change to my entire being but how is this going to ever be possible when I cant even see the one you are talking about? Then I was introduced the Holy Spirit who is to be my teacher and to guide me into all truth.Knowing Him was never a mistake because even when no one was close enough to know what goes on within me,I had Him always close which solved all my depression and now I m living free of guilt knowing who I am in Christ.
I AM GRACE .