Friendzoning Ordinances
Kitty Stryker

The term “friendzone” confuses me.

When I first heard it being used, it was a place that guys put themselves by pursuing women who they knew who were not into them romantically, but that they one day hoped would ‘come around’ to the point of not seeking other relationships. The term was a pejorative against men who were being foolish.

Then it became a jail cell of sorts, a place women put men in their life. The implication is that they were keeping them there by teasing the promise of maybe, possibly giving them sex in the future and using them for services and emotional support. Still a pejorative, but now directed at women. I see Red Pill scumbags using this a lot.

The push back against that was not exactly a denial, but just a reminder that women are not “vending machines that accept kindness and good deeds, giving sex in return”. A valuable lesson and one that I think a lot of guys could benefit from, especially as the tone started to change from a sense of “she’s leading you on” to “you’ve put in the work, she should let you bang”. The definition of the term hadn’t really changed at this point, but the weird, atavistic nature of masculine/feminine relationships that’s cropped up on the internet in the past couple of years had morphed into something uglier.

Then there’s this article, where you’re using “friendzone” as “circle of friends”. Not being a member of the colloquialism committee, I’m not criticizing your use, to be clear. That said, I’m wondering if this a new evolution of the term or just a personal quirk, because for all I know that’s become yet another unspoken definition and I’ve simply missed it.

I think the scenario you’re describing is sadly common, because while I’m all for people owning there sexuality and sharing their bodies (or not) at as they see fit, but it has to be done with full self awareness or it usually leads to bad things like skewed questioning of self worth, identity crisis, objectification, and buying into faulty social paradigms. (Not that I think you or your readers aren’t fully aware of that). If you jump into the big kids games without knowing who you are, the journey to make that discovery often gets longer.

Thanks for sharing. This is a great bit of insight. Peace.

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