Oh, my Dish!

By M.A.Avé

Oh, Crap.

Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap.

Steve’s mind was on a loop of everything that could go horribly wrong. But he was excited and of course, he was a big boy now. Eighteen was no joke. People take you more seriously, he thought.

It had been 4 days since life was dumped on him. He had just moved into a new flat with a person he barely knows. He was starting university and his parents left him with hugs and a lot of tears. He was pretty sure they were happy to get rid of him. They looked happy, joyful and gleaming as they left the parking lot with an empty car.

They are probably going to do it a lot since he won’t be around, he thought. This was closely followed by the gross realization of the casual sexual remark on his parents.

Nope, they are both secret monks who devote their lives to God and probably don’t even know that there is such a thing as sex, he assured himself as he started to set up his room. “I was definitely delivered by a stork,” he said out loud as he put the finishing touches on his wallpaper. Luckily his mom did most of the work in setting up his room for him.

In that one day, he had cleaned up everything, put all the utensils in their proper places and had even made his first meal. Rice and beans. This was after the first actual meal of roasted chicken, which had burnt in the oven.

So much for cooking skills, he thought as he dumped the dishes into the sink.

The next day was even busier. He had his cereal for breakfast, tossed the bowl into the sink and left for university. With meeting new people, signing up to new societies and attending classes with lecturers; who were definitely going to bore him to death this semester. He had no room to take a breath for himself.

He came back home and plopped on the chair.

He still needed to make dinner, but oh god, he was so tired! He decided, surely the chicken roast that he tried to make yesterday would work today? This time he would get it right.

He did not get it right.

Scraping the burnt flesh on the baking tray, he threw it next to his other dishes. “Alright, I’ll shower then wash all this up!” he muttered; looking at the slowly piling ceramics and burnt trays.

His phone suddenly rang, and he jumped.

“Hello?” he asked the person on the other end of the phone.

“Hey Mate, it’s Charles. We met at the Econ society stand today.” replied the voice.

“Oh hey, how’s it going?” Steve said, a bit more relaxed.

“Yeah not bad mate, not bad. Say, I was gonna ask, you doing anything tonight?”

“Nah, not much. Got anything in mind?”

“We’re having a freshers econ pre-drinks at my place then heading out to Forum”

“Forum… that’s the club on the high street near the mall right?”

“The very one. You interested?”

“Sounds lit. What time is pre-drinks?”

“8 pm but you should probably get there around 9.30”

“Will do. Hey, can my flatmate tag along?”

“Yeah yeah, The more the better!”

“Sweet. See you there”

“Later bro”

Well, that was an unexpected conversation, Steve thought. He was happy though. Maybe this making friends thing wasn’t going to be as hard as he thought.

Shower…He needed to shower and get ready!

“Dan! We’re going out.” He shouted at his flatmate’s door.

At 9.15 pm they left the house for their first night out.

Three days of partying, studying and making shit food.

Steve needed a break.

He got home on Thursday evening and plopped on the same chair he plopped on 4 days ago.

He finally got that roasted chicken right. He kept setting his temperature way too high. Bloody American instructions in Fahrenheit he thought.

One thing was sure. He secretly, deep down missed being at home.

His flat was a pile of dog shit. Clothes everywhere in his room!

Books open and sprayed on the floor not to mention the hair from his beard. He really hoped he hadn’t clogged his drain already.

The worst of it all was the pile of dishes. In attempting to make one dish he now had an entire overflown sink of brown and icky dishes. No one would have believed he only got them a few day’s ago from John Lewis.

The carpet was covered in dirt from outside. Did he even know how to use a vacuum? He hadn’t been shown how to do these things.

He contemplated calling his Mum.

Well, that’s not possible, he thought glancing at the Grey Goose vodka and Jack Daniels whiskey; sitting on his window. He was going to have to do it himself and the longer he waited the more irritated he seemed to be getting.

Luckily, he was alone tonight. His flatmate had gone out to see his girlfriend.

“Right then, we’ll start with those dishes” he said to himself as he walked toward the pile. He started looking for the washing liquid but it was nowhere to be seen.

He decided to go from cupboard to cupboard. Maybe Mum hid it somewhere in here?

There was a cupboard which was empty. That was the one that was supposed to have all the dishes put into… after they were actually clean.

Then there was the food cupboard with spices.

He looked underneath and found another cupboard. When he tried to pull instead of opening side ways, it opened from top to down!

“Oh my god” He thought out loud. His prayers had been answered.

A dish washing machine!

YES! He was so excited. He started loading up all the dishes.

Plates, saucers, bowls, glasses, baking trays and every other small item.

Soon the entire dishwasher was full. He was ecstatic. He even found the dish washing liquid underneath all the dishes. Clever place to hide, he thought.

He closed the door of the dishwasher slightly and decided to find the soap.

What did they use for these things again? He tried to picture mom doing this after dinner. He would always load the dishes and she would start the machine.

Dish washing tablets. That’s it! That’s what he needed.

He spent the next 20 minutes rummaging through the kitchen, the storage cupboard and his room.

It was too late to go out and get it now. He could leave it till tomorrow but that would really stink up the place.

“Think, think, think” he paced around the kitchen hopping to come up with some brilliant idea.

Suddenly, his eye caught the green liquid sitting next to his sink.

He started to think, maybe… No but that wouldn’t be possible. If people could use the washing liquid then why would they invent the dish washing tablet?

He thought about this for a minute.

“Oh, what the hell!” he said walking toward the sink. What’s the worst that could happen?

He took the washing liquid and poured all of it over the dishes covering each dish meticulously. That should cover it all, he thought. He didn’t want to miss a single plate or bowl or spoon. Just in case.

Before closing the dish washing machine he quickly added another drop. A nice finishing touch.

He closed the dishwasher, set it to maximum cleaning for heavy dishes.

After the last four days, God knows they need it.

He started the machine.

Now he had some time to focus on other things. He decided to get some of his assignments out of the way while he waited. Opening his book on the table he looked through all the course outlines. He needed to pick groups and do coursework.

He took out his notebook and started writing down all his deadlines and preparing his work for next week’s lecture.

45 minutes later he was still writing. He felt focused. It was a good thing.

Suddenly, he started to feel a weird, tingling sensation on his ankle. It was tickling him, slightly.

He didn’t want to look down and get distracted from what he was doing so he decided to brush it away with his feet.

After pushing his right foot over his left ankle, his eyes looked up and widened.

Why….. was he wet? He thought.

A sense of dread came over him. He looked over his shoulder at the kitchen area and saw the most horrifying sight.

“Oh shit. Oh shit!!!” he started shouting. There was bubbles and foam everywhere coming out from the dishwasher.

He was panicking. He started walking toward the dishwasher with the soap bubbles coming to his thighs.

Halfway to the dishwasher, he slipped on the soap of the floor. He looked like someone from Looney tunes.

“Argh!! Dammit!” He shouted now covered in soap. He, very slowly made his way to the dishwasher.

Scrambling to find the main switch he finally got to it.

He switched of the machine.

Everything was quiet. He was looking at massive sea of soap bubbles all over the kitchen to the dining table.

He stood there for a few minutes.

This. This is why they invented the dish washing tablet, he thought looking around him.


The sound of the door opening.

“Oh great” He muttered. His flatmate was coming in.

“Hey man, got some fried chi…” Dan opened the door and stared in disbelief. “What the actual f…”

“Wait wait wait” Steve interrupted. “Listen mate. It’s not what it looks like”

“It looks like you used washing liquid in the dish washing machine” Dan replied.

Steve stared at him for a few seconds. “Well…Then it’s exactly what it looks like”

“What were you thinking?” Dan continued.

“I wasn’t thinking. I thought it would work. We didn’t have any dish washing tablets”

“Mate…” Dan started laughing.

“yeah” Steve said slightly confused at Dan’s reaction.

“You are such a knob-head” Dan said, still laughing

“I know” Steve agreed.

Dan stood there for a few minutes looking at his new friend.

“Okay, Common” said Dan.

“Um where?” Steve asked

“To Disneyland.”

“Um” Steve said, unsure of how to reply.

“No! to the storeroom to get the mop!” Dan shook his head smiling.

Steve started smiling now. He was panicking over nothing. He got up and went over to his friend who helped rub some of the soap off his back.

“Mate can you do me a favour?” he asked Dan

“What?” Dan replied.

“Don’t tell anyone about this” he pleaded.

“Then no.” Dan said, cheekily.

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Copyright © 2018 by M.A.Avé. All rights reserved.